Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Quick follow up on the whole doctors bill/insurance rant. I found two key pieces of information in my insurance benefits book.
1. If you go to an in network hospital ER, ANY work done there by ANYONE, will be paid at the same rate as an in network provider, regardless of whether they are in your network or not.
2. In an emergency situation, you can go to ANY hospital ANYWHERE in the world, and it will be counted as in network.
So I called the insurance company, and they made the correction, and they are sending me the rest of the money they owe me. Had I not called, they would have just ripped me off. Fuck them. Anyway, at least now I don't have to go through the trouble of finding and buying alternate insurance to get the coverage I need. I just need to make sure the bills and benefits are all correct.
______________________________________
Today is my first hockey game for about 50 days. Vacation, holidays, game cancellations have kept me away, for what has become my longest stretch without hockey since I started playing the sport back in 1997.
Since I have been exercising and eating right, I should be way better off. As of today, I am 29.6 pounds (which I will happily round up to 30 for conversational advantage) lighter than the last time I played, and I can now run a little over 5 miles in 30 minutes without even breaking a sweat.
The team has struggled since I last played. I my own mind, it is because I wasn't there. Realistically, I think there is just stiffer competition this season. Anyway, tonight's game I believe is against a lesser opponent, so it should be a good game to ease back in with. Anything less than a dominating victory is unacceptable.
1. If you go to an in network hospital ER, ANY work done there by ANYONE, will be paid at the same rate as an in network provider, regardless of whether they are in your network or not.
2. In an emergency situation, you can go to ANY hospital ANYWHERE in the world, and it will be counted as in network.
So I called the insurance company, and they made the correction, and they are sending me the rest of the money they owe me. Had I not called, they would have just ripped me off. Fuck them. Anyway, at least now I don't have to go through the trouble of finding and buying alternate insurance to get the coverage I need. I just need to make sure the bills and benefits are all correct.
______________________________________
Today is my first hockey game for about 50 days. Vacation, holidays, game cancellations have kept me away, for what has become my longest stretch without hockey since I started playing the sport back in 1997.
Since I have been exercising and eating right, I should be way better off. As of today, I am 29.6 pounds (which I will happily round up to 30 for conversational advantage) lighter than the last time I played, and I can now run a little over 5 miles in 30 minutes without even breaking a sweat.
The team has struggled since I last played. I my own mind, it is because I wasn't there. Realistically, I think there is just stiffer competition this season. Anyway, tonight's game I believe is against a lesser opponent, so it should be a good game to ease back in with. Anything less than a dominating victory is unacceptable.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
OK, What the FUCK? This should be an interesting rant.
I get a bill today for my ER visit to have my chin sewed up from back in June. The bill is for 633 dollars, and I have exactly 9 days to pay it. So 1, what the fuck are they thinking sending me a bill that close to the due date. 2. Why the fuck do I have to pay 633 bucks?
OK, let me backtrack a bit here. I knocked a hole in my chin in June playing hockey. I go to the ER and get it sewn shut. I pay nothing at the time. I give them my insurance card, they charge me nothing, and I leave. Great. Couple of months later I get some kind of bill/not bill thing from the hospital for $330.00. It looks exactly like a bill but says "this is not a bill". Well, sorry hospital, BUT WHY IN THE HOLY FUCK WOULD YOU SEND ME SOMETHING ON YOUR STOCK BILL FORMAT THAT SAYS THIS IS NOT A BILL. I also notice a note that says "insurance pending". Great. No bill.
Next I get a statement from the insurance company showing that they paid $113.67 of the bill. This is clearly well short of the 330$, so what the fuck? I also notice on here that it shows the 75$ co-pay for the visit, which I never paid, because they never gave me an option to, even though I asked while I was there, so what the fuck? Another interesting thing to note is that in the "co-ins" section is says 90%, which is what my insurance is supposed to be on ER visits.
Next, I get another bill from the hospital that says my payment is now due in the amount of $87.63. huh? Upon inspection, it shows the original $330, minus the $113.67, then on another line it says "discounts" in the amount of $128.70. huh? What the fuck? OK, well the two amounts that have been removed for whatever reason does leave $87.63, so I say fuck it, I'll pay that, and it'll be done. I assume this is the $75 bucks I should have paid while I was there, for the visit, and whatever is left of the 10% I am supposed to pay. No worries. I pay it. On line, awesome!
A few days later I get another bill, that is 100% identical to the one I just paid, what the fuck? Sorry hospital, BUT WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SENDING ME TWO IDENTICAL BILLS DATED 3 DAYS PART FOR? Are you fucking retarded? I call them up just to say hi, and what the fuck? They tell me to ignore the last bill. Gee thanks, you must be a fucking Rhodes Scholar. I hope you are happy with your life.
OK great, so that was mid July. Couple of weeks later I get a check from the insurance company for $288. What the fuck? It has an explanation f why, doctor bills, etc. I assume at this point a bill is coming, so I stash the money in the bank... sorta. OK, so July ends, then August ends, then at the end of September, I get another bill looking thing, that looks just like the check I got. Same charges, and they all say duplicate. What the fuck? Alright fuck it, so I toss it in a drawer. September ends, October ends, then early November, I get a bill looking thing from the insurance company again, and again, all duplicate charges. What the fuck? I am sorry insurance company, BUT WHY IN THE JUMPING HOLY FUCK ARE YOU SENDING ME A CHECK THEN TWO VERY SIMILAR LOOKING PSEUDO NON BILL DUPLICATE NOTICE THINGIES? I toss this in the drawer with my now huge pile of useless insurance/hospital/doctor related crap.
So that brings me to today. Today I get a bill from the doctor for $633.00 due in 9 days. I pull out my huge pile of related shit, and inspect it. I notice that the doctor billing only got half paid by the insurance company, and I notice it say "50%" on the "co-ins", so I guess they are only paying half the cost because my doctor was "out of network" of my PPO. I confirm this theory by looking on the intertubes at the insurance company's website. What the fuck?
Excuse me everyone on the planet, but WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK IS GOING ON HERE? I intentionally go to a known in network hospital bleeding out of the face, and the doctor THEY assigned to me just HAPPENS to not be in the network, so now I get stuck paying half the cost, instead of only 10%?
W H A T T H E F U C K ?????????
This is not right. This is a fucking scam! What are people supposed to do... right before a doctor injects your fucking face with anesthetic, you are supposed to stop him, and run bleeding from the ER to go to somewhere else so your insurance company does rape you in your fucking asshole? This is bullshit. I will do everything in my power to fight the man here. I will call up the insurance company and give them a huge log of shit over this one. I may go so far as to seek alternative health care, rather than the work sponsored PPO bullshit that I have now. I want the comfort in knowing that I can go to ANY hospital on this planet, and get proper medical care without worrying about whether or not the fucking insurance company is going to assfuck me or not. I know this will cost more, but it sounds like something that might be worth while. I know calling up the assfuckers will do me absolutely no good. They will simply say I got service from an out of network doctor, so they can only pay 50%, with absolutely no regard for the fact that I had a huge gaping hole in my head at the time, so I did what I assumed was the right thing, I went to a hospital that I knew 100% was in network.
I am not a moron. I understand how shit works. It does seem to me however, that a network hospital might benefit from having doctors that are in the same network of providers, so they are partly to blame. At the very least, either the hospital, the nurses, the doctor, SOMEONE, should be required to make sure that its patients best interest are in mind, which would include helping the patients, understand their insurance options before the work begins. I have been exposed to the completely corrupt world of insurance before. This is part of the reason I ONLY go to the ER, and never a doctor for general care. This is also the reason I go home injured and reflect on things for a few hours, before going to the hospital, to decide if it will really be worth all the hassle, like I am going through now.
Additionally, your average joe blow white bread blue collar working man, that lives paycheck to paycheck, would never be able to handle this. In America, according to given stats, this is the norm, and I do not see how anyone could make it in the world under these conditions. Fortunately, I do have the means to simply pay the bill, and then take it up with the insurance company about the whole 50% vs 90% fiasco. At least they already paid 50% and gave me the check for $288.00. But Jesus H Tap Dancing Christ, that was 6 months ago, normal people would have HAD to use that money for other stuff I am sure. Seems like it might be better for customers, if they would retain the check until you get a bill, or just send the mother fucking check straight to the doctor. Or at the even least-er, put a fucking note on the check that clearly says, "Hey asshole, this is your check for when you get a bill from the doctor, so don't fucking spend it, and put it in a high interest bearing money market account for six months, until you get your doctor's bill". But no, their only function for existence seems to be to bend you over, far enough so that you can grab your ankles, then fuck you as hard as they can right straight into your balloon knot.
Again, I know damn good and well they won't give me the other 40% that I feel I deserve, but what they don't know that I secretly only want the good old human satisfaction of using their customer service representative as a punching bag while I dump a huge mega load of shit right in their face. My goal this time around is to at least make the rep cry, if not commit suicide later in the evening.
I cannot believe that this is how our country functions. It amazes me that we can ever EVER get anything done, since this is how large companies behave. I would be fucking ashamed of myself if I was in the medical insurance business. Whoever these sphincters are, that sit behind a desk, and say you get 50% instead of 90%, should be eliminated.
Perhaps next time, I will wait until Monday morning with my injury, so that the fucking insurance company is open, and ask them who I should go to to get my injuries resolved. By that time, I will be all fucked up, much worse than at accident time, and it will cost the insurance company a hell of a lot more, because I took the time make sure I go to an in network provider. To me, that seems like the true irony here. The insurance company actually gets fucked when you take the time to go to who they want you to go to. What kind of fucking sense does that make?
On a lighter note, I guess I will be blogging longer than one year, since it is 2008. I wonder if it is better to have more shorter blogs on whatever is on my mind at the time, or fewer longer blogs. Guess I will play it by ear.
I get a bill today for my ER visit to have my chin sewed up from back in June. The bill is for 633 dollars, and I have exactly 9 days to pay it. So 1, what the fuck are they thinking sending me a bill that close to the due date. 2. Why the fuck do I have to pay 633 bucks?
OK, let me backtrack a bit here. I knocked a hole in my chin in June playing hockey. I go to the ER and get it sewn shut. I pay nothing at the time. I give them my insurance card, they charge me nothing, and I leave. Great. Couple of months later I get some kind of bill/not bill thing from the hospital for $330.00. It looks exactly like a bill but says "this is not a bill". Well, sorry hospital, BUT WHY IN THE HOLY FUCK WOULD YOU SEND ME SOMETHING ON YOUR STOCK BILL FORMAT THAT SAYS THIS IS NOT A BILL. I also notice a note that says "insurance pending". Great. No bill.
Next I get a statement from the insurance company showing that they paid $113.67 of the bill. This is clearly well short of the 330$, so what the fuck? I also notice on here that it shows the 75$ co-pay for the visit, which I never paid, because they never gave me an option to, even though I asked while I was there, so what the fuck? Another interesting thing to note is that in the "co-ins" section is says 90%, which is what my insurance is supposed to be on ER visits.
Next, I get another bill from the hospital that says my payment is now due in the amount of $87.63. huh? Upon inspection, it shows the original $330, minus the $113.67, then on another line it says "discounts" in the amount of $128.70. huh? What the fuck? OK, well the two amounts that have been removed for whatever reason does leave $87.63, so I say fuck it, I'll pay that, and it'll be done. I assume this is the $75 bucks I should have paid while I was there, for the visit, and whatever is left of the 10% I am supposed to pay. No worries. I pay it. On line, awesome!
A few days later I get another bill, that is 100% identical to the one I just paid, what the fuck? Sorry hospital, BUT WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SENDING ME TWO IDENTICAL BILLS DATED 3 DAYS PART FOR? Are you fucking retarded? I call them up just to say hi, and what the fuck? They tell me to ignore the last bill. Gee thanks, you must be a fucking Rhodes Scholar. I hope you are happy with your life.
OK great, so that was mid July. Couple of weeks later I get a check from the insurance company for $288. What the fuck? It has an explanation f why, doctor bills, etc. I assume at this point a bill is coming, so I stash the money in the bank... sorta. OK, so July ends, then August ends, then at the end of September, I get another bill looking thing, that looks just like the check I got. Same charges, and they all say duplicate. What the fuck? Alright fuck it, so I toss it in a drawer. September ends, October ends, then early November, I get a bill looking thing from the insurance company again, and again, all duplicate charges. What the fuck? I am sorry insurance company, BUT WHY IN THE JUMPING HOLY FUCK ARE YOU SENDING ME A CHECK THEN TWO VERY SIMILAR LOOKING PSEUDO NON BILL DUPLICATE NOTICE THINGIES? I toss this in the drawer with my now huge pile of useless insurance/hospital/doctor related crap.
So that brings me to today. Today I get a bill from the doctor for $633.00 due in 9 days. I pull out my huge pile of related shit, and inspect it. I notice that the doctor billing only got half paid by the insurance company, and I notice it say "50%" on the "co-ins", so I guess they are only paying half the cost because my doctor was "out of network" of my PPO. I confirm this theory by looking on the intertubes at the insurance company's website. What the fuck?
Excuse me everyone on the planet, but WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK IS GOING ON HERE? I intentionally go to a known in network hospital bleeding out of the face, and the doctor THEY assigned to me just HAPPENS to not be in the network, so now I get stuck paying half the cost, instead of only 10%?
W H A T T H E F U C K ?????????
This is not right. This is a fucking scam! What are people supposed to do... right before a doctor injects your fucking face with anesthetic, you are supposed to stop him, and run bleeding from the ER to go to somewhere else so your insurance company does rape you in your fucking asshole? This is bullshit. I will do everything in my power to fight the man here. I will call up the insurance company and give them a huge log of shit over this one. I may go so far as to seek alternative health care, rather than the work sponsored PPO bullshit that I have now. I want the comfort in knowing that I can go to ANY hospital on this planet, and get proper medical care without worrying about whether or not the fucking insurance company is going to assfuck me or not. I know this will cost more, but it sounds like something that might be worth while. I know calling up the assfuckers will do me absolutely no good. They will simply say I got service from an out of network doctor, so they can only pay 50%, with absolutely no regard for the fact that I had a huge gaping hole in my head at the time, so I did what I assumed was the right thing, I went to a hospital that I knew 100% was in network.
I am not a moron. I understand how shit works. It does seem to me however, that a network hospital might benefit from having doctors that are in the same network of providers, so they are partly to blame. At the very least, either the hospital, the nurses, the doctor, SOMEONE, should be required to make sure that its patients best interest are in mind, which would include helping the patients, understand their insurance options before the work begins. I have been exposed to the completely corrupt world of insurance before. This is part of the reason I ONLY go to the ER, and never a doctor for general care. This is also the reason I go home injured and reflect on things for a few hours, before going to the hospital, to decide if it will really be worth all the hassle, like I am going through now.
Additionally, your average joe blow white bread blue collar working man, that lives paycheck to paycheck, would never be able to handle this. In America, according to given stats, this is the norm, and I do not see how anyone could make it in the world under these conditions. Fortunately, I do have the means to simply pay the bill, and then take it up with the insurance company about the whole 50% vs 90% fiasco. At least they already paid 50% and gave me the check for $288.00. But Jesus H Tap Dancing Christ, that was 6 months ago, normal people would have HAD to use that money for other stuff I am sure. Seems like it might be better for customers, if they would retain the check until you get a bill, or just send the mother fucking check straight to the doctor. Or at the even least-er, put a fucking note on the check that clearly says, "Hey asshole, this is your check for when you get a bill from the doctor, so don't fucking spend it, and put it in a high interest bearing money market account for six months, until you get your doctor's bill". But no, their only function for existence seems to be to bend you over, far enough so that you can grab your ankles, then fuck you as hard as they can right straight into your balloon knot.
Again, I know damn good and well they won't give me the other 40% that I feel I deserve, but what they don't know that I secretly only want the good old human satisfaction of using their customer service representative as a punching bag while I dump a huge mega load of shit right in their face. My goal this time around is to at least make the rep cry, if not commit suicide later in the evening.
I cannot believe that this is how our country functions. It amazes me that we can ever EVER get anything done, since this is how large companies behave. I would be fucking ashamed of myself if I was in the medical insurance business. Whoever these sphincters are, that sit behind a desk, and say you get 50% instead of 90%, should be eliminated.
Perhaps next time, I will wait until Monday morning with my injury, so that the fucking insurance company is open, and ask them who I should go to to get my injuries resolved. By that time, I will be all fucked up, much worse than at accident time, and it will cost the insurance company a hell of a lot more, because I took the time make sure I go to an in network provider. To me, that seems like the true irony here. The insurance company actually gets fucked when you take the time to go to who they want you to go to. What kind of fucking sense does that make?
On a lighter note, I guess I will be blogging longer than one year, since it is 2008. I wonder if it is better to have more shorter blogs on whatever is on my mind at the time, or fewer longer blogs. Guess I will play it by ear.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
In 1984, I was 10 years old, and the Van Halen album 1984, yeah, the one with the baby smoking a cigarette on the front, was the coolest shit I ever heard ever. EVER!. Ok, so Van Halen is doing a reunion tour with David Lee Roth. Sure, Michael Anthony has been given the boot and Eddie's son Wolfgang is now playing bass, but is fucking Van Halen! I should probably go.
The tickets go on sale on a Saturday morning. Not exactly sure why they don't have a presale, which would be great, but they don't/ So i sit in front of my computer Saturday morning at 10am with all the other chumps, trying to score a pair. 10 seconds later, the fuckers are sold out. A cursory check of eBay and stubhub confirm my worries. The damn thing is sold out instantly, and it will cost me half a fucking grand to see it. Fuck that. Fuck Van Halen. Fuck it all! I sell tickets for more than they are worth, I don't buy them! Screw that. Eat shit!
A few weeks later, they decided to add another show. Another Dallas Show. Yay. Again, no presale. Bastards! So, I wake up early and get ready. The seconds 10am rolls by I start clicking. I am using two different computers, one from home, and remotely using one from work, to maximize my chances this time.
Click, click click... Boom! A pair of tickets way up at the top. Bing, Bang, done. I am going to see Van Halen, and it is going to be fucking awesome beyond belief. Yay.
Out of my own curiosity, I click a few more times to search for tickets. Jesus Christ Monkey Balls!!!!!!! Another set in the front row way up top. Wow, no one would be in front of me, so I can chill out the whole time, and not have to stand up. Perfect. I'll take them as well. I can probably sell the first ones easily on eBay, and if not, I can pass them off to a close friend, so they get the same enjoyment I get. Sure, its another $186.97, but sitting in front is the shit! So now I have two sets of Van Halen tickets. Could be worse, I could have none, so good times.
But wait, I click another time, just to see what happens. Jesus H. Tapdancin Christ! Platinum Section, Row A. This is the luxury type shits! Only a few people can sit in this section, and these are in the fucking front! What the shit?
Click, click... roughly $330 later, I now have primo fucking rock star Platinum front row seats to Van Halen. Great.
WAIT A SECOND! I just spent $734.39 on Van Halen tickets? Do I really even like Van Halen? What the fuck?
...
Yeah, yeah, I know... Ok, so now I have 3 pairs of VH tickets, and I only need 1 pair.
I put pair number 1, the first pair, that aren't that great, up on eBay. I used my super secret magic ticket selling recipe into play. The recipe I used to make LITERALLY thousands and thousands of dollars in profit the summer before last selling tickets on eBay.
Currently, at the time of this writing, there are exactly 0 bids for exactly 0 dollars. Yay.
I am sure that as the auction grows to a close, I will make the money back that I invested in the tickets. Hopefully, I will crank a profit, and be able to help pay for some of the costs associated with the set I am keeping. Ideally, I will sell the two spare sets for enough to completely cover the cost of the primo set I plan to use myself. It certainly would not be the first time that has happened.
...and if not, some lucky pair of friends will be going to the show free of charge, on my dime. Sometimes it pays to be my friend.
A splendid time is guaranteed for all.
The tickets go on sale on a Saturday morning. Not exactly sure why they don't have a presale, which would be great, but they don't/ So i sit in front of my computer Saturday morning at 10am with all the other chumps, trying to score a pair. 10 seconds later, the fuckers are sold out. A cursory check of eBay and stubhub confirm my worries. The damn thing is sold out instantly, and it will cost me half a fucking grand to see it. Fuck that. Fuck Van Halen. Fuck it all! I sell tickets for more than they are worth, I don't buy them! Screw that. Eat shit!
A few weeks later, they decided to add another show. Another Dallas Show. Yay. Again, no presale. Bastards! So, I wake up early and get ready. The seconds 10am rolls by I start clicking. I am using two different computers, one from home, and remotely using one from work, to maximize my chances this time.
Click, click click... Boom! A pair of tickets way up at the top. Bing, Bang, done. I am going to see Van Halen, and it is going to be fucking awesome beyond belief. Yay.
Out of my own curiosity, I click a few more times to search for tickets. Jesus Christ Monkey Balls!!!!!!! Another set in the front row way up top. Wow, no one would be in front of me, so I can chill out the whole time, and not have to stand up. Perfect. I'll take them as well. I can probably sell the first ones easily on eBay, and if not, I can pass them off to a close friend, so they get the same enjoyment I get. Sure, its another $186.97, but sitting in front is the shit! So now I have two sets of Van Halen tickets. Could be worse, I could have none, so good times.
But wait, I click another time, just to see what happens. Jesus H. Tapdancin Christ! Platinum Section, Row A. This is the luxury type shits! Only a few people can sit in this section, and these are in the fucking front! What the shit?
Click, click... roughly $330 later, I now have primo fucking rock star Platinum front row seats to Van Halen. Great.
WAIT A SECOND! I just spent $734.39 on Van Halen tickets? Do I really even like Van Halen? What the fuck?
...
Yeah, yeah, I know... Ok, so now I have 3 pairs of VH tickets, and I only need 1 pair.
I put pair number 1, the first pair, that aren't that great, up on eBay. I used my super secret magic ticket selling recipe into play. The recipe I used to make LITERALLY thousands and thousands of dollars in profit the summer before last selling tickets on eBay.
Currently, at the time of this writing, there are exactly 0 bids for exactly 0 dollars. Yay.
I am sure that as the auction grows to a close, I will make the money back that I invested in the tickets. Hopefully, I will crank a profit, and be able to help pay for some of the costs associated with the set I am keeping. Ideally, I will sell the two spare sets for enough to completely cover the cost of the primo set I plan to use myself. It certainly would not be the first time that has happened.
...and if not, some lucky pair of friends will be going to the show free of charge, on my dime. Sometimes it pays to be my friend.
A splendid time is guaranteed for all.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
This is going to be lengthy, but please stick around, it gets really important towards the end.
I hope everyone enjoyed their time off. Did I? Well, sorta. I really enjoyed my Vegas vacation. I saw Blue Man Group at the Venetian, which was awesome, Bill Maher at the Hard Rock which was killer, and Cirque Du Soleil's "O" which was not so great. Maybe it was ok, but the other Cirque shows I have seen made O look like a cheesy 80's porn film or something. Plus I fell asleep, so how good could it be?
I think I broke even in terms of gambling. I probably made more sports wagers than anything else, although I spent a fair share of time at slot machines, killing time waiting for other stuff. Breaking even might not sound all that great but it means a few things. 1 - I did not lose any money. In fact, I may have come out ahead... I did not really keep track too well. 2 - it means I basically generated free "points" towards comps and reduced rates on rooms and whatnot. 3- it means I was able to have free fun and kill time and drink free liquor.
I got drunk a lot, which was fantastical on every level. Getting all shit faced and wandering around in public to me is always good times, but doing it in an adult playground like Vegas just takes things to a new level. I got drunk and hopped on the roller coasters at New York New York and at the Sahara. I took pictures with my cell phone while on the New York New York coaster, but they turned out looking like this...
Anyway, so I said "sorta" enjoyed. What do I mean? I always have trouble merging back into reality after a vacation, as I am sure most people do. This time seems particularly hard though. I got back Sunday, then even had Monday and Tuesday off, and I still don't feel back to normal. Something seems different now, and I am not sure what it is. I am stuck in some sort of funk. I really hate Christmas time, and "the holidays" in general, so I am sure that is part of it.
When I think about why I hate the holidays, I may not really dislike them at all, but just enjoyed past holidays more than any recent ones. I don't particularly celebrate any holidays like I used to. I don't have a Christmas tree or any decorations, I seem to only buy presents for my parents, which usually ends up being gift cards to Sephora for my mom, and Home Depot for my dad. I enjoy buying them the cards, and I suppose I feel swell about giving. I don't exchange gifts with my best gal any more, because we usually opt to save the money and go on a vacation instead as a gift to each other.
On Christmas day I just kinda sat around the house wondering what to do. I went outside for a few minutes and it reminded me of about 50 different things that I have experienced on past Christmases?, Christmass?, Chrismii?, and that I missed doing them greatly, so much so that I was overcome with odd feelings, and did not know what to do.
When I am not on vacation during the holidays, and I spend time with my family, it is almost a downer because I have lost a lot of relatives, and have become quite disconnected from my family unit, so it just doesn't have the magic that it used to, and that upsets me greatly. I don't know exactly what I am trying to say, or what this means. I think I may begin a journey of self discovery of sorts and and see if I can figure some shit out.
I suppose things must change over time, and I have worked really hard this year on learning to accept change, and deal with it, and turn it into something groovy, but I can't seem to shake to the blues after this holiday. So, going to Vegas was absolutely wonderful, but now all I can think about is how much I need to go back, and when is the next time I can make that happen.
I have considered pulling chocks, and going off to somewhere else, in a different state, just for an extreme change of pace. I have very simple logistics... I don't have a whole lot tying me down here. I could literally pack up a bunch of shit and move to somewhere else tomorrow if I felt the urge was right. My gal is the same way, she can get a job anywhere, and we don't see our families a lot. It would almost be the opposite of now. Instead of going on vacation to somewhere else, we would just live somewhere else, then vacation back to here to visit family and friends.
I just don't know. I know that nothing is wrong with me. I just feel... weird, or something. Not necessarily stressed or worried or anything like that... just odd. I would hate to think that I am living in the past, but I spend a lot of time now thinking about how to have as much fun now, as I used to, or seem to used to have. I am not talking about trying to recreate anything from the past, its just that I have a lot of interesting memories, and it seems like these days, I spend less and less time doing things that will create fond memories for the future. I could write maybe 3 large novels from the good times I had from age 3 to 25, then from age 25 to 29, it seems like it would maybe be a single novel if I was lucky, then from age 29 to 33, it would only be a a short story or maybe even just a pamphlet. I suppose 3 to 25 is 22 years of time, which is nearly 3 times the other two portions added together.
Does this happen to everyone? Is this simply part of growing up or old? Will the next 15 years of my life be able to create as many memories as age 3 to 25? Does it have to be that way? Is there a better way to maximize our time?
What the fuck is going on?
I hope everyone enjoyed their time off. Did I? Well, sorta. I really enjoyed my Vegas vacation. I saw Blue Man Group at the Venetian, which was awesome, Bill Maher at the Hard Rock which was killer, and Cirque Du Soleil's "O" which was not so great. Maybe it was ok, but the other Cirque shows I have seen made O look like a cheesy 80's porn film or something. Plus I fell asleep, so how good could it be?
I think I broke even in terms of gambling. I probably made more sports wagers than anything else, although I spent a fair share of time at slot machines, killing time waiting for other stuff. Breaking even might not sound all that great but it means a few things. 1 - I did not lose any money. In fact, I may have come out ahead... I did not really keep track too well. 2 - it means I basically generated free "points" towards comps and reduced rates on rooms and whatnot. 3- it means I was able to have free fun and kill time and drink free liquor.
I got drunk a lot, which was fantastical on every level. Getting all shit faced and wandering around in public to me is always good times, but doing it in an adult playground like Vegas just takes things to a new level. I got drunk and hopped on the roller coasters at New York New York and at the Sahara. I took pictures with my cell phone while on the New York New York coaster, but they turned out looking like this...
Anyway, so I said "sorta" enjoyed. What do I mean? I always have trouble merging back into reality after a vacation, as I am sure most people do. This time seems particularly hard though. I got back Sunday, then even had Monday and Tuesday off, and I still don't feel back to normal. Something seems different now, and I am not sure what it is. I am stuck in some sort of funk. I really hate Christmas time, and "the holidays" in general, so I am sure that is part of it.
When I think about why I hate the holidays, I may not really dislike them at all, but just enjoyed past holidays more than any recent ones. I don't particularly celebrate any holidays like I used to. I don't have a Christmas tree or any decorations, I seem to only buy presents for my parents, which usually ends up being gift cards to Sephora for my mom, and Home Depot for my dad. I enjoy buying them the cards, and I suppose I feel swell about giving. I don't exchange gifts with my best gal any more, because we usually opt to save the money and go on a vacation instead as a gift to each other.
On Christmas day I just kinda sat around the house wondering what to do. I went outside for a few minutes and it reminded me of about 50 different things that I have experienced on past Christmases?, Christmass?, Chrismii?, and that I missed doing them greatly, so much so that I was overcome with odd feelings, and did not know what to do.
When I am not on vacation during the holidays, and I spend time with my family, it is almost a downer because I have lost a lot of relatives, and have become quite disconnected from my family unit, so it just doesn't have the magic that it used to, and that upsets me greatly. I don't know exactly what I am trying to say, or what this means. I think I may begin a journey of self discovery of sorts and and see if I can figure some shit out.
I suppose things must change over time, and I have worked really hard this year on learning to accept change, and deal with it, and turn it into something groovy, but I can't seem to shake to the blues after this holiday. So, going to Vegas was absolutely wonderful, but now all I can think about is how much I need to go back, and when is the next time I can make that happen.
I have considered pulling chocks, and going off to somewhere else, in a different state, just for an extreme change of pace. I have very simple logistics... I don't have a whole lot tying me down here. I could literally pack up a bunch of shit and move to somewhere else tomorrow if I felt the urge was right. My gal is the same way, she can get a job anywhere, and we don't see our families a lot. It would almost be the opposite of now. Instead of going on vacation to somewhere else, we would just live somewhere else, then vacation back to here to visit family and friends.
I just don't know. I know that nothing is wrong with me. I just feel... weird, or something. Not necessarily stressed or worried or anything like that... just odd. I would hate to think that I am living in the past, but I spend a lot of time now thinking about how to have as much fun now, as I used to, or seem to used to have. I am not talking about trying to recreate anything from the past, its just that I have a lot of interesting memories, and it seems like these days, I spend less and less time doing things that will create fond memories for the future. I could write maybe 3 large novels from the good times I had from age 3 to 25, then from age 25 to 29, it seems like it would maybe be a single novel if I was lucky, then from age 29 to 33, it would only be a a short story or maybe even just a pamphlet. I suppose 3 to 25 is 22 years of time, which is nearly 3 times the other two portions added together.
Does this happen to everyone? Is this simply part of growing up or old? Will the next 15 years of my life be able to create as many memories as age 3 to 25? Does it have to be that way? Is there a better way to maximize our time?
What the fuck is going on?
Monday, December 17, 2007
A few random thoughts...
This will be my last post until after I get back from vacation. Also, the end of the year is growing near, which means my goal of blogging it up for one year will be completed. I Have yet to decided if I would like to continue or not afterwards. I know that there are only a handful of people who read this anyway, but it is for me more so than anything else.
My belt doesn't work anymore. I now have to set my belt into the last possible hole, and it is still too large. Also, I think my head is shrinking or something. I seem to have lost some of the fat from my head during this experiment.
I think it may be a challenge to eat healthy and exercise while on vacation. I ride the monorail when I am in Las Vegas, so that inherently includes a lot of walking. I probably average a few miles a day while I am there, at least. Eating may be more of a challenge. We tend to stay up really late each night, and grab a pizza slice or two from New York New York around 2am, before turning in. Also, the biggest issue will be the alcohol scene. I am going to drink shitloads of free alcohol while I am there. The upside to this experiment is that I start feeling a buzz after 2 drinks, and I can get rather drunk on less than a dozen, whereas before, I could chug Jack and Cokes all night long, having 25 or so, and still be able to maintain an even keel. Staying up late usually means no breakfast, so that is less calories going in, followed by a lot of walking all day. So I figure if I can grab something half way healthy for lunch, I will probably be just fine. I found a 24 hour Subway last time I was there, so I have the option of eating a turkey sandwich 24/7, and it is only half a block from the MGM Grand.
Also on the unhealthy trend will be the 5 packs of cigarettes I will smoke there. I guess technically, I will only smoke half of that amount, whereas my best gal and I will split them. I do not normally smoke. When I get together with friends that smoke, and have drinks and hang out, I will smoke some a few cigarettes, but normal day to day operations do not include any smoking. This is hard for a lot of people to achieve, but I seems to have mastered it. I look at it sort of like alcohol. I can smoke any time I like, but if I do it all the time, that's no good. Why not make it something special, that way you can enjoy it more. This being the case, I always smoke on every vacation no matter what. After all, a vacation is intended to take you away from the norm for a while, so you don't flip out and kill a bunch of people.
Last week I ran a little over 34 miles on the elliptical. 34 FUCKING MILES! That is a long way. It seems unrealistic that I ran that far, but I did.
Anyway, good times abound. If you don't hear from me for 6 months, I probably won a million bucks in Vegas, or my plane crashed, or both.
This will be my last post until after I get back from vacation. Also, the end of the year is growing near, which means my goal of blogging it up for one year will be completed. I Have yet to decided if I would like to continue or not afterwards. I know that there are only a handful of people who read this anyway, but it is for me more so than anything else.
My belt doesn't work anymore. I now have to set my belt into the last possible hole, and it is still too large. Also, I think my head is shrinking or something. I seem to have lost some of the fat from my head during this experiment.
I think it may be a challenge to eat healthy and exercise while on vacation. I ride the monorail when I am in Las Vegas, so that inherently includes a lot of walking. I probably average a few miles a day while I am there, at least. Eating may be more of a challenge. We tend to stay up really late each night, and grab a pizza slice or two from New York New York around 2am, before turning in. Also, the biggest issue will be the alcohol scene. I am going to drink shitloads of free alcohol while I am there. The upside to this experiment is that I start feeling a buzz after 2 drinks, and I can get rather drunk on less than a dozen, whereas before, I could chug Jack and Cokes all night long, having 25 or so, and still be able to maintain an even keel. Staying up late usually means no breakfast, so that is less calories going in, followed by a lot of walking all day. So I figure if I can grab something half way healthy for lunch, I will probably be just fine. I found a 24 hour Subway last time I was there, so I have the option of eating a turkey sandwich 24/7, and it is only half a block from the MGM Grand.
Also on the unhealthy trend will be the 5 packs of cigarettes I will smoke there. I guess technically, I will only smoke half of that amount, whereas my best gal and I will split them. I do not normally smoke. When I get together with friends that smoke, and have drinks and hang out, I will smoke some a few cigarettes, but normal day to day operations do not include any smoking. This is hard for a lot of people to achieve, but I seems to have mastered it. I look at it sort of like alcohol. I can smoke any time I like, but if I do it all the time, that's no good. Why not make it something special, that way you can enjoy it more. This being the case, I always smoke on every vacation no matter what. After all, a vacation is intended to take you away from the norm for a while, so you don't flip out and kill a bunch of people.
Last week I ran a little over 34 miles on the elliptical. 34 FUCKING MILES! That is a long way. It seems unrealistic that I ran that far, but I did.
Anyway, good times abound. If you don't hear from me for 6 months, I probably won a million bucks in Vegas, or my plane crashed, or both.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
I need another vacation, so... I am taking one. Next week I will be heading back to Vegas for a little more R&R.
This time around I will be returning to the MGM Grand's West Wing, which I thoroughly enjoy. This time, I got an even better rate than ever before. Membership has its privileges 8-).
I got tickets to see Blue Man Group, which I have been wanting to see for a while, but never got around to seeing. I also got tickets for the Cirque Du Soleil show called "O" at the Bellagio. It is the water based Cirque Vegas show so it should be interesting. I certainly enjoyed the Ka and Love Cirque shows last time I was there. Very Impressive stuff.
Last but not least I got ticket to go see Bill Maher over at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, which I have never been to, because it is off the strip a little bit, and I am lazy. I am not a huge fan of Bill Maher I guess, but he does make me laugh. I think this is a stand up comedy type show, and not a political thing like his HBO show.
A lot of the shows like Penn & Teller, Amazing Jonathan, Carrot Top, etc.. are all dark I guess because it is so close to the holidays. That's OK though, I'll still have fun. They go on vacation away from Vegas, and I go to Vegas for vacation. Weird.
I also might head over to the old part of town on Fremont street, because I have never ventured over there, again, because I am lazy.
I suppose I will spend the rest of the time living like a rock star, enjoying shitloads of free cocktails, while I gamble my ass off, and stumbling around the strip drunk.
Anyway, a splendid time is guaranteed for all!
This time around I will be returning to the MGM Grand's West Wing, which I thoroughly enjoy. This time, I got an even better rate than ever before. Membership has its privileges 8-).
I got tickets to see Blue Man Group, which I have been wanting to see for a while, but never got around to seeing. I also got tickets for the Cirque Du Soleil show called "O" at the Bellagio. It is the water based Cirque Vegas show so it should be interesting. I certainly enjoyed the Ka and Love Cirque shows last time I was there. Very Impressive stuff.
Last but not least I got ticket to go see Bill Maher over at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, which I have never been to, because it is off the strip a little bit, and I am lazy. I am not a huge fan of Bill Maher I guess, but he does make me laugh. I think this is a stand up comedy type show, and not a political thing like his HBO show.
A lot of the shows like Penn & Teller, Amazing Jonathan, Carrot Top, etc.. are all dark I guess because it is so close to the holidays. That's OK though, I'll still have fun. They go on vacation away from Vegas, and I go to Vegas for vacation. Weird.
I also might head over to the old part of town on Fremont street, because I have never ventured over there, again, because I am lazy.
I suppose I will spend the rest of the time living like a rock star, enjoying shitloads of free cocktails, while I gamble my ass off, and stumbling around the strip drunk.
Anyway, a splendid time is guaranteed for all!
Thursday, December 6, 2007
I suppose there just may not be a better way to do it. Numbers. That is the only solution.
When you are born, they weigh and measure you. Then your parents tell all your friends and family the numbers, and they are very proud. Low numbers, beyond the acceptable range on either side, indicate a problem. Did your mom smoke crack? Was your dad addicted to hamburgers? What is wrong with you? Why are you so small? Why are you so damn big? 2 days ago you were a fetus, now you got all this.
When you go to school, you are given grades. If you do well, the number assigned to your success is high, and low if you do not. You did not pass because you got a 69. Had you gotten a 70, you would be a winner, but you didn't so clearly, you are a loser. You were not in the acceptable range of numbers that indicate success. If you are lucky enough to go to college, again, numbers indicate your success, and seemingly nothing else. Your grade is the ONLY thing that really matters here. You might make 4000 new life long friends, and have the most amazing experiences of your life, but since you did not achieve a high enough number, you are just not good enough.
When you get a job and you go to work, you are given an annual performance evaluation. If your assigned number is not in the acceptable range, you eventually will lose your job. If you are in the low end of the acceptable margin, you get to keep your job. Lucky you. If you are on the high end of the number scale, they give you more money. You can show up every single day,work as hard as you possibly can, and if your number is not high enough, you do not get more money. It is as simple as that.
In today's world, the numbers you get assigned to you, by other people, represent your success. Is this the only way to be successful, to get a higher number assigned to you than other people? Yes, it would appear that way.
Good luck with all that.
When you are born, they weigh and measure you. Then your parents tell all your friends and family the numbers, and they are very proud. Low numbers, beyond the acceptable range on either side, indicate a problem. Did your mom smoke crack? Was your dad addicted to hamburgers? What is wrong with you? Why are you so small? Why are you so damn big? 2 days ago you were a fetus, now you got all this.
When you go to school, you are given grades. If you do well, the number assigned to your success is high, and low if you do not. You did not pass because you got a 69. Had you gotten a 70, you would be a winner, but you didn't so clearly, you are a loser. You were not in the acceptable range of numbers that indicate success. If you are lucky enough to go to college, again, numbers indicate your success, and seemingly nothing else. Your grade is the ONLY thing that really matters here. You might make 4000 new life long friends, and have the most amazing experiences of your life, but since you did not achieve a high enough number, you are just not good enough.
When you get a job and you go to work, you are given an annual performance evaluation. If your assigned number is not in the acceptable range, you eventually will lose your job. If you are in the low end of the acceptable margin, you get to keep your job. Lucky you. If you are on the high end of the number scale, they give you more money. You can show up every single day,work as hard as you possibly can, and if your number is not high enough, you do not get more money. It is as simple as that.
In today's world, the numbers you get assigned to you, by other people, represent your success. Is this the only way to be successful, to get a higher number assigned to you than other people? Yes, it would appear that way.
Good luck with all that.
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