OK, What the FUCK? This should be an interesting rant.

I get a bill today for my ER visit to have my chin sewed up from back in June. The bill is for 633 dollars, and I have exactly 9 days to pay it. So 1, what the fuck are they thinking sending me a bill that close to the due date. 2. Why the fuck do I have to pay 633 bucks?

OK, let me backtrack a bit here. I knocked a hole in my chin in June playing hockey. I go to the ER and get it sewn shut. I pay nothing at the time. I give them my insurance card, they charge me nothing, and I leave. Great. Couple of months later I get some kind of bill/not bill thing from the hospital for $330.00. It looks exactly like a bill but says "this is not a bill". Well, sorry hospital, BUT WHY IN THE HOLY FUCK WOULD YOU SEND ME SOMETHING ON YOUR STOCK BILL FORMAT THAT SAYS THIS IS NOT A BILL. I also notice a note that says "insurance pending". Great. No bill.

Next I get a statement from the insurance company showing that they paid $113.67 of the bill. This is clearly well short of the 330$, so what the fuck? I also notice on here that it shows the 75$ co-pay for the visit, which I never paid, because they never gave me an option to, even though I asked while I was there, so what the fuck? Another interesting thing to note is that in the "co-ins" section is says 90%, which is what my insurance is supposed to be on ER visits.

Next, I get another bill from the hospital that says my payment is now due in the amount of $87.63. huh? Upon inspection, it shows the original $330, minus the $113.67, then on another line it says "discounts" in the amount of $128.70. huh? What the fuck? OK, well the two amounts that have been removed for whatever reason does leave $87.63, so I say fuck it, I'll pay that, and it'll be done. I assume this is the $75 bucks I should have paid while I was there, for the visit, and whatever is left of the 10% I am supposed to pay. No worries. I pay it. On line, awesome!

A few days later I get another bill, that is 100% identical to the one I just paid, what the fuck? Sorry hospital, BUT WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SENDING ME TWO IDENTICAL BILLS DATED 3 DAYS PART FOR? Are you fucking retarded? I call them up just to say hi, and what the fuck? They tell me to ignore the last bill. Gee thanks, you must be a fucking Rhodes Scholar. I hope you are happy with your life.

OK great, so that was mid July. Couple of weeks later I get a check from the insurance company for $288. What the fuck? It has an explanation f why, doctor bills, etc. I assume at this point a bill is coming, so I stash the money in the bank... sorta. OK, so July ends, then August ends, then at the end of September, I get another bill looking thing, that looks just like the check I got. Same charges, and they all say duplicate. What the fuck? Alright fuck it, so I toss it in a drawer. September ends, October ends, then early November, I get a bill looking thing from the insurance company again, and again, all duplicate charges. What the fuck? I am sorry insurance company, BUT WHY IN THE JUMPING HOLY FUCK ARE YOU SENDING ME A CHECK THEN TWO VERY SIMILAR LOOKING PSEUDO NON BILL DUPLICATE NOTICE THINGIES? I toss this in the drawer with my now huge pile of useless insurance/hospital/doctor related crap.

So that brings me to today. Today I get a bill from the doctor for $633.00 due in 9 days. I pull out my huge pile of related shit, and inspect it. I notice that the doctor billing only got half paid by the insurance company, and I notice it say "50%" on the "co-ins", so I guess they are only paying half the cost because my doctor was "out of network" of my PPO. I confirm this theory by looking on the intertubes at the insurance company's website. What the fuck?

Excuse me everyone on the planet, but WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK IS GOING ON HERE? I intentionally go to a known in network hospital bleeding out of the face, and the doctor THEY assigned to me just HAPPENS to not be in the network, so now I get stuck paying half the cost, instead of only 10%?

W H A T T H E F U C K ?????????

This is not right. This is a fucking scam! What are people supposed to do... right before a doctor injects your fucking face with anesthetic, you are supposed to stop him, and run bleeding from the ER to go to somewhere else so your insurance company does rape you in your fucking asshole? This is bullshit. I will do everything in my power to fight the man here. I will call up the insurance company and give them a huge log of shit over this one. I may go so far as to seek alternative health care, rather than the work sponsored PPO bullshit that I have now. I want the comfort in knowing that I can go to ANY hospital on this planet, and get proper medical care without worrying about whether or not the fucking insurance company is going to assfuck me or not. I know this will cost more, but it sounds like something that might be worth while. I know calling up the assfuckers will do me absolutely no good. They will simply say I got service from an out of network doctor, so they can only pay 50%, with absolutely no regard for the fact that I had a huge gaping hole in my head at the time, so I did what I assumed was the right thing, I went to a hospital that I knew 100% was in network.

I am not a moron. I understand how shit works. It does seem to me however, that a network hospital might benefit from having doctors that are in the same network of providers, so they are partly to blame. At the very least, either the hospital, the nurses, the doctor, SOMEONE, should be required to make sure that its patients best interest are in mind, which would include helping the patients, understand their insurance options before the work begins. I have been exposed to the completely corrupt world of insurance before. This is part of the reason I ONLY go to the ER, and never a doctor for general care. This is also the reason I go home injured and reflect on things for a few hours, before going to the hospital, to decide if it will really be worth all the hassle, like I am going through now.

Additionally, your average joe blow white bread blue collar working man, that lives paycheck to paycheck, would never be able to handle this. In America, according to given stats, this is the norm, and I do not see how anyone could make it in the world under these conditions. Fortunately, I do have the means to simply pay the bill, and then take it up with the insurance company about the whole 50% vs 90% fiasco. At least they already paid 50% and gave me the check for $288.00. But Jesus H Tap Dancing Christ, that was 6 months ago, normal people would have HAD to use that money for other stuff I am sure. Seems like it might be better for customers, if they would retain the check until you get a bill, or just send the mother fucking check straight to the doctor. Or at the even least-er, put a fucking note on the check that clearly says, "Hey asshole, this is your check for when you get a bill from the doctor, so don't fucking spend it, and put it in a high interest bearing money market account for six months, until you get your doctor's bill". But no, their only function for existence seems to be to bend you over, far enough so that you can grab your ankles, then fuck you as hard as they can right straight into your balloon knot.

Again, I know damn good and well they won't give me the other 40% that I feel I deserve, but what they don't know that I secretly only want the good old human satisfaction of using their customer service representative as a punching bag while I dump a huge mega load of shit right in their face. My goal this time around is to at least make the rep cry, if not commit suicide later in the evening.

I cannot believe that this is how our country functions. It amazes me that we can ever EVER get anything done, since this is how large companies behave. I would be fucking ashamed of myself if I was in the medical insurance business. Whoever these sphincters are, that sit behind a desk, and say you get 50% instead of 90%, should be eliminated.

Perhaps next time, I will wait until Monday morning with my injury, so that the fucking insurance company is open, and ask them who I should go to to get my injuries resolved. By that time, I will be all fucked up, much worse than at accident time, and it will cost the insurance company a hell of a lot more, because I took the time make sure I go to an in network provider. To me, that seems like the true irony here. The insurance company actually gets fucked when you take the time to go to who they want you to go to. What kind of fucking sense does that make?

On a lighter note, I guess I will be blogging longer than one year, since it is 2008. I wonder if it is better to have more shorter blogs on whatever is on my mind at the time, or fewer longer blogs. Guess I will play it by ear.