In 1984, I was 10 years old, and the Van Halen album 1984, yeah, the one with the baby smoking a cigarette on the front, was the coolest shit I ever heard ever. EVER!. Ok, so Van Halen is doing a reunion tour with David Lee Roth. Sure, Michael Anthony has been given the boot and Eddie's son Wolfgang is now playing bass, but is fucking Van Halen! I should probably go.

The tickets go on sale on a Saturday morning. Not exactly sure why they don't have a presale, which would be great, but they don't/ So i sit in front of my computer Saturday morning at 10am with all the other chumps, trying to score a pair. 10 seconds later, the fuckers are sold out. A cursory check of eBay and stubhub confirm my worries. The damn thing is sold out instantly, and it will cost me half a fucking grand to see it. Fuck that. Fuck Van Halen. Fuck it all! I sell tickets for more than they are worth, I don't buy them! Screw that. Eat shit!

A few weeks later, they decided to add another show. Another Dallas Show. Yay. Again, no presale. Bastards! So, I wake up early and get ready. The seconds 10am rolls by I start clicking. I am using two different computers, one from home, and remotely using one from work, to maximize my chances this time.

Click, click click... Boom! A pair of tickets way up at the top. Bing, Bang, done. I am going to see Van Halen, and it is going to be fucking awesome beyond belief. Yay.

Out of my own curiosity, I click a few more times to search for tickets. Jesus Christ Monkey Balls!!!!!!! Another set in the front row way up top. Wow, no one would be in front of me, so I can chill out the whole time, and not have to stand up. Perfect. I'll take them as well. I can probably sell the first ones easily on eBay, and if not, I can pass them off to a close friend, so they get the same enjoyment I get. Sure, its another $186.97, but sitting in front is the shit! So now I have two sets of Van Halen tickets. Could be worse, I could have none, so good times.

But wait, I click another time, just to see what happens. Jesus H. Tapdancin Christ! Platinum Section, Row A. This is the luxury type shits! Only a few people can sit in this section, and these are in the fucking front! What the shit?

Click, click... roughly $330 later, I now have primo fucking rock star Platinum front row seats to Van Halen. Great.

WAIT A SECOND! I just spent $734.39 on Van Halen tickets? Do I really even like Van Halen? What the fuck?

...

Yeah, yeah, I know... Ok, so now I have 3 pairs of VH tickets, and I only need 1 pair.

I put pair number 1, the first pair, that aren't that great, up on eBay. I used my super secret magic ticket selling recipe into play. The recipe I used to make LITERALLY thousands and thousands of dollars in profit the summer before last selling tickets on eBay.

Currently, at the time of this writing, there are exactly 0 bids for exactly 0 dollars. Yay.

I am sure that as the auction grows to a close, I will make the money back that I invested in the tickets. Hopefully, I will crank a profit, and be able to help pay for some of the costs associated with the set I am keeping. Ideally, I will sell the two spare sets for enough to completely cover the cost of the primo set I plan to use myself. It certainly would not be the first time that has happened.

...and if not, some lucky pair of friends will be going to the show free of charge, on my dime. Sometimes it pays to be my friend.

A splendid time is guaranteed for all.