I am not all that sure I am ready for fall/winter this time. In the past, I know I may have said I am fully ready and that fall was potentially my favorite season, but with a new job, and a outlook on life in general, I truly maxed out my summer, and I am sad to see it go. More on that later. I will update you on my Spirit airlines expreience, because I know you are shitting your pants with anticipation.
Spirit airlines was... well.. normal. I did not notice much difference between Spirit and other airlines. If anything, I would state on the record that I think Spirit might be better than any other airlines.
They charge for carry-on bags. At the time of this writing, they have announced that carry-on bags will cost 100$ each way starting in less than 30 days. I say this is great, and a real asset to their business model.
I WOULD LIKE TO CLARIFY RIGHT NOW THAT YOU CAN BRING A "PERSONAL ITEM" WITH YOU for
----> F R E E <---
This includes a backpack. I travel with backpack. So it is free and easy to carry. They WANT you to not bring shit with you, or at the very least, pay for it ahead of time. Their goal being to have a smooth boarding process. My experience? Most people did not fuck around. They brought small shit with them, so no spending 15 minutes standing there waiting for the shithead with 19 large roller suitcases to cram all his shit into the overhead compartment.
People complain about legroom. Folks, this is a myth! The legroom appears to be the same. Again, if anything, I would declare MORE legroom on spirit than other airlines I have flown.
Snack/Drinks? Well, if your stupid fat retarded ass can't sit on a a plane for a couple of hours without stuffing your fucking pie hole full of peanuts or crackers or a Cola of your choice, or whatever, BRING YOUR OWN. But here is the deal. I am in the majority that cannot sit on a plane that long without stuffing my cake portal, so guess what? I brought my own. Also.... guess what? I bought it in the airport terminal. Also, also, guess what? IT FUCKING CSOSTS MORE IN THE TERMINAL THAN IT DOES ON THE PLANE!!!
In summary... Spirit Airlines? It was cheap, it was easy, I was comfortable. I don't see what all the hub-bub is about. There were no problems whatsoever. Bring yer fuckin snacks, bring a fucking drink, and shut the fuck up!
I challenge you to find any other airline, ever, that will take you to boston for 28 bucks. YOU CAN'T!
Friday, October 5, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
I am taking one for the team. I am going to fly the dreaded Spirit Airlines to see if it really is as bad as 'they' say.
I will state for the record ahead of time that I am lean and mean when it comes to travel. I carry one small backpack. I have been doing this for several years now, even when I have visited other states and whatnot for 5+ days at a time. It is amazing how much shit you can cram into a small backpack if you take the time to do it right, and on the way back, who fucking cares, just jam all yer shit in there any which way.
Also, I get the airport with plenty of time to spare. I usually have to sit for one hour. I use the time to play games on my phone or tablet, or perhaps just people watch. You see the strangest shit at the airport afterall.
Another thing that makes me a good traveler is that right before I go into security, I pre-remove all my accoutrements and put them into said backpack. Watch, keys, wallet, lighter, belt, sunglasses, etc... I also remove my shoes as soon as I hand my ID and boarding pass to security. The result uis that when I hit the line, I don't have to do anything at all, just walk through essentially.
Nextly, I have my boarding pas in my hand ready to scan when it is time. When they call my group, I go, no pussyfotting around. All the while, I am being courteous and considerate of all other passengers, because they are really huge assholes, it serves me best to just get out of their way.
Once on the plane, I turn off all my shit, cram my backpack under the seat, NO OVERHEAD COMPARTMENT usage. I am on the plane and in my chair inless than a minute. I also pre-shit or pre-piss if neccessary becasue no one like the fat prick who has to dump off his chicken wings on the airplane. Please shit head, do this BEFORE you get on. Also, if you want a snack or a drink, BRING YER FUCKING OWN! I have found this to be the best policy.
Ok, so back to Spirit Airlines, people always bitch and complain about the seats not reclining, boo fucking hoo. Who do you think you are, the King of Siam? It is a priveledge to fly, so shut your pie hole fatty. They charge you for a drink or food. Again, boo fucking hoo. There are not many places on this planet, where food and drink are FREE. Next up, leg room. Ok shit for brains, the goal here is to get to your destination at 500+ miles an hour. If you don't like the leg room, travel 50 miles an hour on a greyhound, and I'll laugh at your from 35,000 feet on my way back from my luxury vacation. Quit your yapping, and/or if you don't like it, pay the extra fee to sit up front. It's Spirit, it will still be leagues cheaper than the competitor.
So there you have it, I think I am the perfect candidaet for Spirit Airlines. I firmly believe that I am what they had in mind when they deisgned their business model. I don't expect or need anything from them, other than the ability go 500 miles an hour at 35,000 feet. And since that is all the provide, its a match made in heaven. Oh also, they are the only fucking airline that goes directly to Atlantic City.
I'll produce a full report after my return.
I will state for the record ahead of time that I am lean and mean when it comes to travel. I carry one small backpack. I have been doing this for several years now, even when I have visited other states and whatnot for 5+ days at a time. It is amazing how much shit you can cram into a small backpack if you take the time to do it right, and on the way back, who fucking cares, just jam all yer shit in there any which way.
Also, I get the airport with plenty of time to spare. I usually have to sit for one hour. I use the time to play games on my phone or tablet, or perhaps just people watch. You see the strangest shit at the airport afterall.
Another thing that makes me a good traveler is that right before I go into security, I pre-remove all my accoutrements and put them into said backpack. Watch, keys, wallet, lighter, belt, sunglasses, etc... I also remove my shoes as soon as I hand my ID and boarding pass to security. The result uis that when I hit the line, I don't have to do anything at all, just walk through essentially.
Nextly, I have my boarding pas in my hand ready to scan when it is time. When they call my group, I go, no pussyfotting around. All the while, I am being courteous and considerate of all other passengers, because they are really huge assholes, it serves me best to just get out of their way.
Once on the plane, I turn off all my shit, cram my backpack under the seat, NO OVERHEAD COMPARTMENT usage. I am on the plane and in my chair inless than a minute. I also pre-shit or pre-piss if neccessary becasue no one like the fat prick who has to dump off his chicken wings on the airplane. Please shit head, do this BEFORE you get on. Also, if you want a snack or a drink, BRING YER FUCKING OWN! I have found this to be the best policy.
Ok, so back to Spirit Airlines, people always bitch and complain about the seats not reclining, boo fucking hoo. Who do you think you are, the King of Siam? It is a priveledge to fly, so shut your pie hole fatty. They charge you for a drink or food. Again, boo fucking hoo. There are not many places on this planet, where food and drink are FREE. Next up, leg room. Ok shit for brains, the goal here is to get to your destination at 500+ miles an hour. If you don't like the leg room, travel 50 miles an hour on a greyhound, and I'll laugh at your from 35,000 feet on my way back from my luxury vacation. Quit your yapping, and/or if you don't like it, pay the extra fee to sit up front. It's Spirit, it will still be leagues cheaper than the competitor.
So there you have it, I think I am the perfect candidaet for Spirit Airlines. I firmly believe that I am what they had in mind when they deisgned their business model. I don't expect or need anything from them, other than the ability go 500 miles an hour at 35,000 feet. And since that is all the provide, its a match made in heaven. Oh also, they are the only fucking airline that goes directly to Atlantic City.
I'll produce a full report after my return.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Ya know, most people save money all their lives in the bank, in a 401k, and so on, so that they can afford to retire. So in other words, when I am 67 years old I am supposed to have enough money to relax sit back, and enjoy... uh... wait a minute, honestly, what the FUCK am I going to enjoy at 67 years old? Chances are the things I will enjoy when I am that age will be things that are likely simple and inexpensive, like a quality toilet seat or a real nice water hose. On the flip side, the things I enjoy now are moving really fast, going vertical, hangovers, habaneros, taking chances, unknown spaces, the list is endless.
The average life expectancy in the United States is currently roughly 78 years. I can only imagine in the last 5 years of that span you are not going to be able to get around very well. So let's say your are essentially in twilight at age 73. Now correct me if I am wrong, but that means you have about 6 good years, when you are in your late 60s to early 70s to enjoy yourself! NO THANKS!
Wouldn't a better plan be to save enough throughout life to get by when you need to but can't get around well, and shave enough off now to enjoy things while you can? Do you really want to try and explore the world at an advanced age? I didn't think so.
Now, you may be sitting there thinking it is a risk to do such a thing, but let's analyze. Isn't is more of a risk to collect a million bucks but chance being 70 and not be able to spend it in a proper fashion? Or even worse, save 500,000 bucks by age 59 and be killed buy a wayward dolphin or choke to death on a gummy bear? What is the point of this? Live in the now.
The average life expectancy in the United States is currently roughly 78 years. I can only imagine in the last 5 years of that span you are not going to be able to get around very well. So let's say your are essentially in twilight at age 73. Now correct me if I am wrong, but that means you have about 6 good years, when you are in your late 60s to early 70s to enjoy yourself! NO THANKS!
Wouldn't a better plan be to save enough throughout life to get by when you need to but can't get around well, and shave enough off now to enjoy things while you can? Do you really want to try and explore the world at an advanced age? I didn't think so.
Now, you may be sitting there thinking it is a risk to do such a thing, but let's analyze. Isn't is more of a risk to collect a million bucks but chance being 70 and not be able to spend it in a proper fashion? Or even worse, save 500,000 bucks by age 59 and be killed buy a wayward dolphin or choke to death on a gummy bear? What is the point of this? Live in the now.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
In order to be happy, I believe you must have a complete life balance. You could look at it as a happiness index. I break it down as such:
Health - 25%
Finances - 25%
Social - 25%
Career - 25%
Health - If you are not healthy, things are bad. Self explanatory.
Finances - I separate this from job/career section because you could have a real shitty job, but still be financially secure. On the flip side, you could have a really excellent job that you love and be far from financially secure.
Social - This is the friends and family section. Do you have friends? Do they like you? Do you spend time with them? How's your mom and them? Everything cool?
Career - Do you like what you do, are you content with your current employment scenario?
Using these metrics, you can calculate your own happiness index:
Is your leg broken? Maybe you assign health a 20% instead of the full 25%. Do you have stage 4 terminal lip fungus? Well, then maybe go with a 5% instead of 25%.
Are you flat broke? Do you live paycheck to paycheck? If so, congratulations, assign yourself 10% in the finance category, or maybe 20% if you just don't care. Only you can honestly assign your own percentage.
Did you accidentally run over your grandpa with a lawnmower? Guess what? you should go with a 5%, because you suck. Perhaps your family is all well and good, and on top of that you got a free blow job from your friend's sister, maybe you could go with the full 25. Good for you.
Do you want to take a huge steaming shit on your boss's desk, or maybe something even more sinister? Personally, I say do it, but afterwards you will probably need to assign yourself around a 15% in the career metric.
So, in summary, say you are a dude who has stage 4 terminal lip fungus, you are flat broke, and you hate your job, but you still got the BJ from your friend's sister, you would roughly score a 55%. You are not all that happy. Although, due to the beej from your friend's sister, you may think you are doing better than you really are, so please, be realistic.
Now, you are instructed to not only calculate your own happiness index according to the metrics, but when someone asks you how it's going casually in passing, give them your percentage and watch the look on the face, its priceless. And, should they make the horrible mistake of asking you what it means, waste a good half hour of their precious time that they could be using to get some hot mouth love from your friend's sister.
Health - 25%
Finances - 25%
Social - 25%
Career - 25%
Health - If you are not healthy, things are bad. Self explanatory.
Finances - I separate this from job/career section because you could have a real shitty job, but still be financially secure. On the flip side, you could have a really excellent job that you love and be far from financially secure.
Social - This is the friends and family section. Do you have friends? Do they like you? Do you spend time with them? How's your mom and them? Everything cool?
Career - Do you like what you do, are you content with your current employment scenario?
Using these metrics, you can calculate your own happiness index:
Is your leg broken? Maybe you assign health a 20% instead of the full 25%. Do you have stage 4 terminal lip fungus? Well, then maybe go with a 5% instead of 25%.
Are you flat broke? Do you live paycheck to paycheck? If so, congratulations, assign yourself 10% in the finance category, or maybe 20% if you just don't care. Only you can honestly assign your own percentage.
Did you accidentally run over your grandpa with a lawnmower? Guess what? you should go with a 5%, because you suck. Perhaps your family is all well and good, and on top of that you got a free blow job from your friend's sister, maybe you could go with the full 25. Good for you.
Do you want to take a huge steaming shit on your boss's desk, or maybe something even more sinister? Personally, I say do it, but afterwards you will probably need to assign yourself around a 15% in the career metric.
So, in summary, say you are a dude who has stage 4 terminal lip fungus, you are flat broke, and you hate your job, but you still got the BJ from your friend's sister, you would roughly score a 55%. You are not all that happy. Although, due to the beej from your friend's sister, you may think you are doing better than you really are, so please, be realistic.
Now, you are instructed to not only calculate your own happiness index according to the metrics, but when someone asks you how it's going casually in passing, give them your percentage and watch the look on the face, its priceless. And, should they make the horrible mistake of asking you what it means, waste a good half hour of their precious time that they could be using to get some hot mouth love from your friend's sister.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Sad. My once mighty and bountiful blog has dwindled to virtually nothing. I am still in a creative lull. I think part of it is due to my shitty job. I essentially work alone, and on my days off, I am at home alone. When I am on night shift, I am alone almost all the time. On a lighter note, I have been 'being' and not 'having' for a while now and I am enjoying it. If you don't know what that means, then read a the last few posts and you will understand. I have been collecting a few notes for potential posts, and then not following through on them. So instead of making any sense here, I will just spout out a collection of random thoughts and you can do with them what you will.
I temporarily became a "beardo". I had a lengthy strange beard. People would see me then say oh wow, you have a huge beard. Then one day I shaved it off and went with the clean shaven look for a while. Then people would say oh wow, you are clean shaven. I guess I have the ability to change my look around at will. Some days I get carded for buying beer, other days not, depending on how I look that day.
Taking food from people, particularly at work, is something I practically never do. When someone walks up at work and says, "Hey, my wife made this cake, here have some", I ALWAYS refuse. I am now working on saying yes instead of no. One time at work, dude brought in a cake, everyone (excluding me) ate the cake. Once the cake was gone someone pointed out the 12 inch hair stuck to the top of the cake plate where the cake used to be. They are freaked out, while I just laughed and laughed. It would be virtually impossible for that hair to harm them, particularly since it was still on the plate, but the thought of it grossed them out.
In the same vein as my post on food technology, I started pondering fishing technology. I noticed that fishing technology seems to have advanced, but perhaps not necessarily in a good way. You can spend a lot of money on the brand new doo dads and gizmos. You can buy a super spoonbill chartreuse magic diving battery operated lure featuring 14 treble hooks and a 3-way scatter pattern offset for x amount of dollars. You can buy the latest and greatest rod and reel for XXX amount of dollars. You could even buy a fancy boat for XX,XXX amount of dollars. However, my grandpa could catch the same fish, perhaps even larger in size and more in quantity than you could, by sitting on the bank with the lowest model rod and reel anyone has ever produced, a shitty rusted hook he found stuck in a tree at a fishing spot, and an earth worm he dug out of the ground for free with his bare hands.
I temporarily became a "beardo". I had a lengthy strange beard. People would see me then say oh wow, you have a huge beard. Then one day I shaved it off and went with the clean shaven look for a while. Then people would say oh wow, you are clean shaven. I guess I have the ability to change my look around at will. Some days I get carded for buying beer, other days not, depending on how I look that day.
Taking food from people, particularly at work, is something I practically never do. When someone walks up at work and says, "Hey, my wife made this cake, here have some", I ALWAYS refuse. I am now working on saying yes instead of no. One time at work, dude brought in a cake, everyone (excluding me) ate the cake. Once the cake was gone someone pointed out the 12 inch hair stuck to the top of the cake plate where the cake used to be. They are freaked out, while I just laughed and laughed. It would be virtually impossible for that hair to harm them, particularly since it was still on the plate, but the thought of it grossed them out.
In the same vein as my post on food technology, I started pondering fishing technology. I noticed that fishing technology seems to have advanced, but perhaps not necessarily in a good way. You can spend a lot of money on the brand new doo dads and gizmos. You can buy a super spoonbill chartreuse magic diving battery operated lure featuring 14 treble hooks and a 3-way scatter pattern offset for x amount of dollars. You can buy the latest and greatest rod and reel for XXX amount of dollars. You could even buy a fancy boat for XX,XXX amount of dollars. However, my grandpa could catch the same fish, perhaps even larger in size and more in quantity than you could, by sitting on the bank with the lowest model rod and reel anyone has ever produced, a shitty rusted hook he found stuck in a tree at a fishing spot, and an earth worm he dug out of the ground for free with his bare hands.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Bit of a silly rant here, and I know I have probably posted about this before, but as a friendly reminder I would like every to know that Facebook is stupid. It will be in the history books as one of the causes of global stupidity a la Idiocracy: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0387808/. It is like a shortcut to personality. Telling everyone in your friends list something at the same time robs you of the storytelling craft, and the human interaction that makes you who you are. Also, I am sure there are people in your friends list that do not need to know or care what you have done. I would also go a step further and claim that there are people in your friends list that are not even really your friend. There are probably even people who have completely exchanged human interaction and the art of storytelling with simple facebook entries, but hey, at least they have over 200 "friends".
Facebook is free. What? No, of course it is not really free. There are all types of ads on there, that of course, Facebook gets tons of cash for. Facebook gets it, not you, even though you are the one viewing the ads. Recent articles have shown Facebook to be worth 50 billion dollars. How much of that money do you get for being a member? Exactly none. Seems like a bit of a rip off to me.
They also have awesome games like some kinda farm shit, some kinda vampire shit, and some kinda mafia shit. Games where you have to keep playing to stay ahead of your friends (all the while showing you more ads), and if you ever stop playing, you probably feel bad about it. Great, now Facebook is having a negative impact on you.
Here is a small sample of some things I found on Facebook in less than 10 seconds:
"Jeff is now friends with Alex" - Great, two people I don't know are now fucking friends. Maybe they can queer off together and go ride a merry-go-round.
"thank god it's fridayyy :)" - Clearly the world's next Shakespeare.
"God damn. I LOOOOOVVVVEEEE TO COOK!" - Good, go fucking do it and shut up.
"wishing i was in a dead sleeep." - I wish you were just dead.
But hey, at least you can "poke" your "friends". GREAT! Tell you what, next time you are about to poke someone on Facebook, invite me over and I will poke you right in the eye, and we will both have something interesting to share with our friends.
I do also get the irony of posting this in an article format for the world to read at the same time, but this is not something that I haven't told everyone I know already. Also, I can assure you there was 10 times more thought put into this rant than ANYTHING you have EVER posted on Facebook. I would challenge you to go back to 6 weeks ago and assess maybe three things you posted on Facebook, and see if you feel they have any redeeming value. ...See, now you feel like some kind of asshole.
Facebook is free. What? No, of course it is not really free. There are all types of ads on there, that of course, Facebook gets tons of cash for. Facebook gets it, not you, even though you are the one viewing the ads. Recent articles have shown Facebook to be worth 50 billion dollars. How much of that money do you get for being a member? Exactly none. Seems like a bit of a rip off to me.
They also have awesome games like some kinda farm shit, some kinda vampire shit, and some kinda mafia shit. Games where you have to keep playing to stay ahead of your friends (all the while showing you more ads), and if you ever stop playing, you probably feel bad about it. Great, now Facebook is having a negative impact on you.
Here is a small sample of some things I found on Facebook in less than 10 seconds:
"Jeff is now friends with Alex" - Great, two people I don't know are now fucking friends. Maybe they can queer off together and go ride a merry-go-round.
"thank god it's fridayyy :)" - Clearly the world's next Shakespeare.
"God damn. I LOOOOOVVVVEEEE TO COOK!" - Good, go fucking do it and shut up.
"wishing i was in a dead sleeep." - I wish you were just dead.
But hey, at least you can "poke" your "friends". GREAT! Tell you what, next time you are about to poke someone on Facebook, invite me over and I will poke you right in the eye, and we will both have something interesting to share with our friends.
I do also get the irony of posting this in an article format for the world to read at the same time, but this is not something that I haven't told everyone I know already. Also, I can assure you there was 10 times more thought put into this rant than ANYTHING you have EVER posted on Facebook. I would challenge you to go back to 6 weeks ago and assess maybe three things you posted on Facebook, and see if you feel they have any redeeming value. ...See, now you feel like some kind of asshole.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
The other day I was driving to work and I saw a lady walking down the sidewalk. She had about 4 dogs with her, all on separate leashes. The dogs seemed a little unruly, but nothing she couldn't handle. Then all of a sudden, I see a guy with a single dog, also on a leash going the other direction, towards her. Just about the time I got even with where they were going to cross paths, the man's dog lashed out at the multiple dogs, causing the lady to yank the leashes and leap out into the street. I was going about 45 miles per hour, but I was able to slam on my breaks and swerve to avoid killing her and all her dogs. Not a huge deal, crisis averted, everyone and all animals were OK, and everyone went on their merry way. This could very easily have gone the other way.
It made me think about some of the tragic stories you see on the news almost every day. It was literally a matter of inches, great luck, quality driving, and good timing. If I had left the house maybe 1 second earlier and was 1 second farther down the road, I would wager there is a good chance that lady would be a dead person. Some people aren't so lucky.
This was not a life changing event, but it does make one stop and ponder how close you could be to death each and every day, or perhaps close to being involved in something where someone else gets hurt, or potentially killed. It makes one think about how many times on earth each day something like that happens, and how many of those times, it ends badly. It just takes a single split second in time to be the difference between a miss and a near miss, and there is a good chance you could have no idea this was even happening. My hero George Carlin once said, "...here's one they just made up. "Near miss". When two planes almost collide they call it a near miss. IT'S A NEAR HIT!! A collision... is a near miss. BOOM! "Look, they nearly missed!" "Yeah, but not quite!".
What is my point to all this? What lesson can we learn here? Probably none in terms of avoidance, you don't get to control that type of fate, but you can certainly take stock in what you have and what you do and who you are, and make sure you attempt to live life to the fullest, because some dickweed in a boogie van might run over you tomorrow.
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