Quick note to self for posterity: I saw Paul McCartney the other night at the new Cowboys Stadium. Paul was sounding quite good. A stark contrast to his last road show a few years back, when he sounded a bit frail. He is back to form. Is he the most popular musician ever? Maybe. Is he the most successful songwriter and musician ever? Without a doubt. Is he the most important musician ever? He might be, if such a category even exists. It was a good show.

Ok, so, I wanna slap the fucking shit out of people that use fake fucking curse words. If you say, for example, "Susan stole my frozen banana guacamole, and that's really effed up, so I am going to cut her effing toes off", everyone knows what you mean to say. Additionally, your intent is the same if you say 'effed' or 'fucked'. So who are you try to kid here? What are you doing? Plus, who gives a royal fuck turd if you said fuck or not. I can see no point whatsoever in ditching what you want to say for some pussy ass version of the exact same fucking thought.

I know what you might be thinking. "I don't want my kid running around saying fuck all the time, so I say 'ef' instead." So let me get this straight, does this mean you do want your child saying 'ef'? You want little Tommy to be on the playground and whip out a "Jeff got mad because I cut in front of him in the effing line for the slide, so he effing pushed me down in the sand."? It would seem like you would not want your child to say anything even remotely close to that, so that logic is right out. No one is using these fake curse words to protect their children.

So perhaps you are dumbing yourself down due to the mixed adult company you are in. I don't think I can buy this either. Do you go to a big meeting with clients or co-workers and say "The mother effing server is GD piece of S, so I can't get to my stupid effing calendar from my effing GD S-sucking A-effing blackberry!"? Of course not! And, if you do, everyone will think the exact same thoughts about you as if you said the real words. So you just aint doin that, so that too, is right out.

So what's left? you are hanging out with your friends and having a few beers and you say "GD, that C Nancy has some sweet effing Ts, I'd like to stick my D into her P, and then J all over her effing A." I doubt you are saying this in front of your buddies. In fact, if you said something as simple as "Don effing stole it", your friends are probably going to kick you in the balls for being a real dick shit.

Your intention is to use foul language. So do us all a favor and use it already! I mean, what are you, some kind of A-hole?

Twat.