Ok, I have several gas company credit cards. In particular though, I have a Shell and a Chevron. I used to also have a Texaco card. Well, at least here in Texas, Texaco has gone away now, and some of the stations got taken over by Shell, and some by Chevron. So now basically I have a Chevron/Texaco card and a Shell/Texaco card.

I got current Shell bill and it says I missed the payment, so there is a finance charge and a late fee of $29.00. Well, in my online banking's bill pay function, I still had Texaco setup as a payee with my old account number. When I last got my Shell bill, I accidentally paid the money to this old Texaco account. So I check my accounts on line. Chevron... nothing, they don't have my money. Shell... nothing, they don't have my money. And there appears to be no more Texaco stuff online. Great. So I call Shell and explain my situation, and after a little bit of giggling, they say they have no record of that old account. So then they look it up by payment date and amount. They find the money in their system, seemingly just floating in the ether, not attached to any particular account. I ask them to simply put the money into the correct place.

"We can't do that" is what I get. They require me to call my bank and have them fax a "bank transmittal" to them so they can track all the appropriate information in order to make the change. "No Problem". I call the bank, and the people act is if I am from outer fucking space asking for such a thing. They say they will take care of it so I go on about my business. Next day I get an email from my bank saying I need to call Shell and tell them that NetBank will be investigating the thing, so to grant them access to my account there. Shell should already know this, so I don't call.

Next day I start getting harassing calls from Shell from an automated collections robot device. I call Shell and they are all shitty with me on the phone because I have not paid. I explained the scenario, and they took my word for it. Next day I get a email from my bank saying they talked to Shell, and shell told them I gave them the wrong account number, which I didn't, so they were having trouble verifying that my payment to Texaco was valid.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" I explain, again through email) that I not trying to pay Texaco, I am trying to pay Shell. I assume again that they will take care of it. Next day, I get ANOTHER call from Shell's magical collections robot machine. I swear this time it sounded kinda pissed off at me. So I call Shell again, get transferred around 4 or 5 times over a 30 minute period, and finally explain the whole entire thing over again, at which point, the guy tells me I have to get a "bank transmittal" faxed to them first.

A FAX? REALLY? A FUCKING FAX? It is 2007, and you want a FUCKING FAX? FUCK YOU!!

So I ask the guy how long I have been a customer with Shell, and he tells me that he is not allowed to give that type of information over the phone. REALLY? You cannot tell me how long I have had an account at your business? Instead, he told me to look on the front of my card, and it will say "member since".

Everything in quotes that I am about to say, you should pretend I am yelling it at the top of my lungs "YOU MEAN YOU CANNOT FUCKING TELL ME HOW LONG I HAVE BEEN A CUSTOMER EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE IN THE MOTHER FUCKING WORLD COULD SEE IT RIGHT ON THE FRONT OF MY GOD DAMN CARD?!" So then I ask this SHITBOX how many late payments I have ever made since I became a customer 8 years ago, in 1999. His reply of course is none. So I proceed to tell him then I am getting harassed by a fucking robot, given the run around by both them and my bank, about money that technically is in their system already! I told him to have a nice day.

I emailed my bank and told them to send a "bank transmittal" to Shell, and let me know after it is completed. I got the reply from my bank stating that they completed this task... JUST IN TIME TO MISS SHELLS BUSINESS HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These fuck stick mother bitches can all go to hell. Results next post (hopefully)