How come everything has to have a fuckin light on it now?

I wonder if scientists could pinpoint the exact location in your brain that controls whether or not you like corn.

Lately I have been feeling extra demotivated. I am not sure why. I can tell I am demotivated because I have a screw stuck in one of my tires on my truck. It has a relatively slow leak. I noticed it about a week and a half ago. The tire got really low one day so I aired it back up. That was maybe 5 days ago. I will need to air it back up again soon.

I have certificates on these tires from DiscountTire so all I have to do is basically go there and tell them I have the screw and a leak, and they will fix it for free, or just replace the tire for free if some some reason they can't fix the hole. So, why haven't I gone to get it fixed? No idea, other than I am just demotivated.

Things are taking a turn for the worst at work, and it may ultimately end in my needing another job. The company always makes bad decisions, based on the wrong factors, and I think a lot more of that is about to happen. I would like to blame my demotivation on this, but I just found about the upcoming changes a couple of days ago, well before I discovered the screw in my tire.

I suppose it could be that I hate the holidays. I always kinda get... something... right before the holidays. I am not sad, or stressed, or angry, or any real specific kind of emotion that might cause demotivation. I suppose it could just "a case of the blahs".

Now, before you go yelling curse words at me for using such a retarded phrase, you need to realize that "blah" IS in the dictionary. It means "A feeling of boredom, lethargy, or general dissatisfaction." I suppose this describes exactly how I feel. I have a case of those.

When I was little, this time of year always meant Christmas vacation from school, at which point I generally did nothing but sit around, because it was too cold to go outside and play, so maybe in my head I link this time of year to dullness. Who knows, I am sure a shrink would probably have a field day with stuff like that.

Anyhoo, I don't have to worry about it too much, because I know in a couple of weeks that it will pass, and everything in the universe will align again.

SHIT, I forgot to include any curse words in this post. Oops.

No one should ever claim that they read a book if they listened to an audio book version. The two things require different senses. If you listened to a book, and then a song, would you also say you read the song? Have you smelled any good songs lately? Have you felt of any cool music in the last week or so? Have you seen what pizza tastes like? Can you hear the color yellow? Unless you are one of these synesthesia victims, you can't 'read' a book if you only listened to it. I am not knocking audio books by the way. Audio books are perfect for that long drive or airplane ride. And they can be quite entertaining, and in some ways can challenge your brain similar to reading int hat you have to create a picture in your own mind, but nonetheless, IT AINT FUCKIN READING if you are not holding a book and using your eyes.

Along these same lines, would you say you talked to someone if you only emailed them? Technically you cannot, so I will generally specify. I guess the same holds true for all forms of instant messaging. Even though you are experiencing a communication thread, if you are not shaking your vocals chords and moving your mouth around, YOU AINT FUCKIN TALKIN! If you read out loud what you type in the thread, and then what the other persons types as well, you still are not talking to that person, you are just a fucking moron.

Ok, enough of that.

So it is vacation time again. Back to Vegas. Free room, free plane ticket, can't beat that. Only thing on the agenda other than a metric fuck ton of drinking and sports betting is going to see Norm MacDonald at the House of Blues. Other than that, I just plan to get all hopped up on various liquors, and just run around and do whatever.

CARNIE WILSON!

Forgot to post for another whole month. Wow. Just have a couple of quick thoughts for toady.

I saw something today that made me sad. I saw a happy puppy running around willy nilly, doing whatever he felt like doing. At first I thought, wow, how great must it be to be a dog. Then I though wow, that fuckers gunna get run over. He didn't have a collar on, and he was in a pretty upscale neighborhood. The speed limit is pretty low in that area, so I wish him well, but you could tell that he was maybe not schooled in the ways of the world and probably didn't understand that these huge metal things on the non grassy part of the world that kept whizzing by would flatten him. Then I began to think about some poor kid running frantically around the neighborhood looking for his best pal. Then the saddest thought of all, I imagined a lost dog sign posted all over the neighborhood. When you think about it, there is nothing sadder than a lost dog poster.

So I had a VMware training class last week, and had to travel about an hour or so each way to get to the class. At 7:45am anywhere in the entire Dallas Fort Worth metroplex area, there is nothing but bumper to bumper traffic as far as the eye can see in any direction. It is astonishing. And, none of these assholes are particularly good at driving. Most are on the phone, or doing other stupid stuff. Some are angry as fuck, and ready to kill, others are scared to death of the traffic so they are barely moving. Everyone cuts each other off, which usually results in shouting and flipping each other off. It takes an hour and a half to go 30 miles. I bet I literally saw well over a million cars in the 4 day period. Its absurd. And to top it all off, it rained all week, which only magnified the problems 10 fold. I just couldn't imagine doing that each and every day. There was a time at work when I had to go to a different office and had to drive in it for maybe 45 minutes each direction for maybe 9-12 months, so I suppose I can understand how you could adapt to it mentally and physically so you don't go shitballs crazy and kill people, but that kinda thing takes a heavy toll on people eventually. I just think that somehow there has to be a better way to manage traffic. It is almost two fucking thousand ten, someone needs to get off their ass and figure something out.

Finally, the new winter hockey season got underway last night. We were victorious in the debut handing a quality team an 8-4 defeat.

Ok, fall is here. There is a certain chill in the air that is unmistakable. I love it. I think I have posted many times about how Fall is my favorite season. Summer was a blast, and for the first time in several years, I am sad to see it go.

Of course, with Fall comes football. I had a good time in Vegas betting on the games. I lost on college football, but I hate college football anyway, so fuck it. The only reason I bet on it is because I got all caught up in vibe of sportsbetting and wanting to get some action as soon as I got there. I figured USC -7 was a good bet, turns out USC couldn't football their way out of a fucking sack. Fucking fuck college football.

Anyway, I started thinking the other day about sportsbetting, and what it takes to truly be good at it. You could spend 40 hours a week busting your ass handicapping the games and still suck balls. On the flip side, you could spend 30 seconds and be amazing. All you need is a good record. What is a good record? That is the interesting part. You are considered a REALLY fucking good capper, if you can hit 60% consistently. WHA? What's that? What the shit did you just say? Yes, 60% accuracy is all it takes to be considered an amazing capper. What other job or hobby or anything allows for such a low accuracy to be good? If your doctor told you he had a 60% success rate, you would run. If you get 60% accuracy in school, you are a fucking pathetic failure.

I have put this to the test many times over multiple football seasons, and it is very hard to achieve a 60% success rate with any consistency. I have spent countless hours capping games each week over the coarse of an entire season only to land in the 50% accuracy range. I have just shot from the hip and guessed at each game and landed in that same general vicinity. Additionally, I have also picked every game using a coin toss, and once I even tried using pieces of paper with all the teams names on them, and laying two teams in the matchups out on the floor and having my cat pick each game, and guess what... that's right, I landed right around 50%. I have tried only picking a few games each week, and I have tried picking every game, and it just does not seem to matter, it always comes out around 50% over the season. From all this experimentation, I completely understand why hitting 60% or more would be the mark of a special handicapper.

In the NFL this season, going into week 3, My record is 6-4, which is exactly 60%. How long can I keep it at 60%, only time will tell.

Yeah, so I have not posted in a while. So what. I been busy. The summer is winding down. So, did I have the best summer ever? Did my summer kick ass? Depends on how you look at it.

When I was younger, like a small child, summer meant staying outside "playing" until 9 or 10 o'clock. Why wouldn't I? No repercussions, no consequence. So what if you don't wake up until 11:30 the next day. So I would stay outside and do whatever, and then go inside after dark and play games, and do stuff kids do, sometimes until the wee hours. It was magical and fantastic.

Then when I was a little older in my teenage years, alcohol and poon became top priority. So summers then consisted of those priorities, and not much else. Fortunately for the teenage American male, there are plenty of opportunities for both, so I spent the summer doing that kinda stuff. It was magical and fantastic.

So that brings me to adulthood. Adulthood is much different. If you stay out till the wee hours playing or having alcohol and poon, you get fired from your job eventually, and then not only can you not afford a nice house or fun toys and shit, but you also no longer have money for alcohol or poon! So you have to achieve some sort of balance. What is the cure? WEEKENDS!

So I made a strong effort to do something every weekend this entire summer, short of a couple that I needed for R&R, especially during the Great Cilantro Salmonella Adventure of 2009. I don't recall if I posted about that or not, but it was pretty good times. I particularly enjoyed the sonogram. Anyway, I went to see live music, and comedians, I drank a fuck ton of liquor, I spent shitloads of time with my friends, and of course, it was magical and fantastic.

So now its almost fall. I am not sure when fall officially starts, but who fucking cares, I think I have posted before how fall is my favorite season as an adult. So why not just transition right on into that bad boy by keeping up the tradition of striving to have fun on the weekends. So, what better way to make that transition then a trip to Las Vegas!!! NFL starts this weekend, and I plan to make a fortune betting on the games, and experiencing general drunken chaos. I cannot say for sure, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it will be.... magical and fantastic!!

Back on Tuesday, later bitches!!!!

Quick note to self for posterity: I saw Paul McCartney the other night at the new Cowboys Stadium. Paul was sounding quite good. A stark contrast to his last road show a few years back, when he sounded a bit frail. He is back to form. Is he the most popular musician ever? Maybe. Is he the most successful songwriter and musician ever? Without a doubt. Is he the most important musician ever? He might be, if such a category even exists. It was a good show.

Ok, so, I wanna slap the fucking shit out of people that use fake fucking curse words. If you say, for example, "Susan stole my frozen banana guacamole, and that's really effed up, so I am going to cut her effing toes off", everyone knows what you mean to say. Additionally, your intent is the same if you say 'effed' or 'fucked'. So who are you try to kid here? What are you doing? Plus, who gives a royal fuck turd if you said fuck or not. I can see no point whatsoever in ditching what you want to say for some pussy ass version of the exact same fucking thought.

I know what you might be thinking. "I don't want my kid running around saying fuck all the time, so I say 'ef' instead." So let me get this straight, does this mean you do want your child saying 'ef'? You want little Tommy to be on the playground and whip out a "Jeff got mad because I cut in front of him in the effing line for the slide, so he effing pushed me down in the sand."? It would seem like you would not want your child to say anything even remotely close to that, so that logic is right out. No one is using these fake curse words to protect their children.

So perhaps you are dumbing yourself down due to the mixed adult company you are in. I don't think I can buy this either. Do you go to a big meeting with clients or co-workers and say "The mother effing server is GD piece of S, so I can't get to my stupid effing calendar from my effing GD S-sucking A-effing blackberry!"? Of course not! And, if you do, everyone will think the exact same thoughts about you as if you said the real words. So you just aint doin that, so that too, is right out.

So what's left? you are hanging out with your friends and having a few beers and you say "GD, that C Nancy has some sweet effing Ts, I'd like to stick my D into her P, and then J all over her effing A." I doubt you are saying this in front of your buddies. In fact, if you said something as simple as "Don effing stole it", your friends are probably going to kick you in the balls for being a real dick shit.

Your intention is to use foul language. So do us all a favor and use it already! I mean, what are you, some kind of A-hole?

Twat.

Why does everyone have to be such a dick on the internet?

If you go look at practically any forum on the internet, or any article that has a comments section, there seems to be a 90%+ chance that within the first 5-10 replies, there will be someone being a "fucking dickhole". Why is that? Also, the degree of dicklyness varies from flat out blatant dickhood to the more subtle passive aggressive cockmaster.

Scenario 1:Q: I've installed a beta version of windows, and I cannot get my network settings to stick after a reboot, any ideas?A: You're a fucking idiot. Its a fucking beta, and you suck, what the fuck do you expect you dumb piece of shit?

Scenario 2:Q: I've installed a beta version of windows, and I cannot get my network settings to stick after a reboot, any ideas?A: What build do you have? I think that is a documented issue, why don't you just use Windows 95? You probably stole the beta version anyway.

Neither scenario is helpful in any way shape or form. In fact, in real life, if I came across the cockwad from scenario 1, I would probably be forced to thrash him royally. He has the internet equivalent of road rage, and should probably be put to sleep.

The theory? little big man syndrome, internet toughguy... call it whatever you want, but clearly these people just feel safe hiding in their houses and whatnot behind a LCD screen. I doubt very seriously that any of these dickweeds would be saying anything even remotely close to that if they were face to face with the person.

And really what is the point of being such a taint pudfucker? I guess that is the only way they can feel important or superior. I hate to bring up the old adage of 'if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything', but come on, really, what's going on here? Why would you go out of your way, and expend energy and effort, and waste your time for the sole purpose of being a rod. The internet has brought out the absolute worst in people, and is continuing to denigrate our society.

In case you are wondering, there is no precise situation that brought this up. I generally do not participate in forums, other than reading. Every once in a while, if I see a need, I will publish a how-to document, or some sort of photo documentation of something, to help people out. That generally will keep you safe from these chodes, because you are not asking for anything, and people generally appreciate the information. My issue stems from trying to locate anecdotal evidence of stuff, or see what sort of solutions other people have come up with for various problems. I believe that just about any problem you encounter these days, someone else has already run into, figured something out, and posted it somewhere. With all these fucksticks being mean for no reason, it is clogging up the works, and making me have to dig a lot deeper to find what I am looking for.

The moral of the story is that you should carry the same attitude and demeanor on the intercloud that you would as if you were face to face with people. If you cannot muster that type of effort, please just go ahead suicide at your earliest convenience.