Do you like shrimp? How about jalapenos? Cream cheese? Rice? of course you do. So, would you be surprised that you can make some wicked sushi using those ingredients? When a lot of people hear sushi, they think about eating a chunk of shitty raw fish. Well, for those not in the know, the "sushi" in sushi describes the style of rice used, and nothing else. What does this mean? Well, if you take sushi rice, and stick a fucking pizza in it, it is sushi. So get that stupid raw fish shit out of your head, you can make sushi out of anything. Also, its really easy, check it out.

First things first, you need some sushi rice. How do you make that happen? Well, get some calrose rice from any grocery store and prepare it according to the directions. Next, to transform it into sticky rice for sushi you add a mixture of rice wine vinegar, sugar, and kosher salt in a 2:2:1 ratio. 2 parts RWG, 2 parts sugar, and 1 part kosher salt. Heat this solution in a microwave for a few seconds and stir it to make sure the solids dissolve, then dump it on the rice, and stir it around to coat all the grains. Then let it sit until it is room temperature. This could take nearly an hour if you don't want to sit in fan it like Japanese peeps might do.



Next, you need a plate full of some kinda shit to put in the sushi. This could be literally anything... chicken, bear meat, tears from a witch, captain crunch cereal, a phone book, your dead grandmother's ashes, anything! I like shrimp, jalapeno, and cream cheese so I will use that. Also, I will use crab meat, cucumber, and avocados, to make classic California rolls.



K, so you got your rice and all yer shit together, now you really only need some nori, or seaweed sheets. These sheets do not have much flavor in my opinion, and are primarily used to hold everything together easily, almost like edible string or paper or something. I also use a sushi mat, what is nothing more than small bamboo sticks tied together. This is not required, and you could probably use damn near anything instead, or nothing, it just makes it a little easier to roll.

So, you lay down the nori shit, shiny side down, and spread some rice on it. A thin layer of rice only, or your rolls will be huge. maybe 1/4" or less in thickness on the rice layer will suffice. Next, pile some of your crap on there, and just roll it up.

On the California rolls, you want the rice on the outside instead of the nori. So to do that, lay down the nori, add your rice to it, then turn it over. I wrap my sushi mat with plastic wrap to it doesn't stick too much. Then pile you stuff on as normal and roll.

Next, take a really sharp knife and wet the blade, and cut the roll in half, then cut each half into thirds. Toss all the pieces on a plate, and if you want, get you some soy sauce, wasabi, and ginger to complete the experience.

So, sushi doesn't have to be confusing, scary, or difficult to make. Its quick and easy and can be made out of anything. Maybe you could make a great big huge one and stick your sister in it!

The finished product!!

...and yes, I fucking already know that some of the rolls on the plate appear to have fallen apart. I was balls deep into the beer when I made these. Plus, you don't have to eat it I do, so take your opinions and wipe your dick with em.

Ok, so I went to Austin this past weekend to see Metallica. They are one of my favorite bands. They were playing a tiny venue that only holds about 2000 people, rather than the 30,000-50,0000 at a normal show. They were doing this to promote their new Guitar Hero: Metallica game. I entered a drawing for the passes to the show thru the Metallica fan club. Joining the fan club is the only way to get good pre-sale tickets to their shows and to enter drawings for meet and greet passes, and for special events like this Guitar Hero release party. Anyway, so I entered the drawing and won. woot!

I have several friends that live in Austin so I would also have a free place to stay. We went down a day early to hang out, and had a good time. This was also the weekend of the the South By Southwest festival, so the entire town was swamped with people. We grabbed some fish tacos at Wahoo's, and then went next door to Dirty Bill's to pick up our free credentials for the show. It was a lot easier than I anticipated. I told them my name, and they handed me the laminates.



It didn't take very long so we decided to hit Opal Devine's across the street and have a few beers. The Metallica show was not until later in the evening, so we then went to "Type by Typewriter". This is a precursor to the "Fuck by Fuck Yall v2.0" festival. These are events put on by locals in response to the SXSW festival invading their town. Free admission, free beer, free entertainment. The opposite of SXSW. Basically its a small outdoor music festival in some dudes back yard. He has a big stage set up and gets lots of bands from all over the world to play short sets all day. He even has a goat named Yogi. It was a blast. I was exposed to music I typically do not encounter. There was a band there called "Asukusa Jinta" from Japan that describes themselves as a hardcore marching brass band, and they were fucking awesome! If you get a chance check them out at http://www.myspace.com/asakusajinta. They are mega rad.

So after hanging out at TXTW/FXFY for a while we went back to my friends house to call a cab to take us over to the Metallica show. I wanted to take a cab so that I could drink mass quantities of beer and not have to operate a motor vehicle. The cab place said the cab would be there "within 30 minutes". This would be perfect whereas we were supposed to be there at 6:15pm, and it was 5:20pm. 5:50pm rolls around.. no cab. 6:00pm rolls around.. no cab. 6:10pm rolls around.. no cab! What the fuck? So, I call up the cab place and tell them its been nearly an hour, and their response is simply that they "are still trying to get a cab" out to me. Being late freaks me out. It always has. Being late to me is inexcusable, you should never be late to anything you disrespectful bastard! now, the stupid cab company, who does not give a shit about anything, has put me in this scenario. Fuck it.

I hop in my truck and head to downtown. I find a little parking lot for 10 bucks maybe 6 blocks from Stubb's Bar-B-Q, which is where the show was taking place. There is one empty slot and my fuckin truck is way too big to fit into it. The lady tells me that there is another lot up the street, so I go to it instead. Now I am maybe 7 or 8 blocks away. So we hoof it at full speed to get the the damn thing. They have various lines to get into the thing, and we get in the 'guests of Metallica' line since we have the proper credentials. The line goes down the street, around the corner, and down another street. Wow. We get in line and it immediately starts moving. woot! About 5 minutes later, we were inside ready to rock. All the stress from the cab company and their bullshit for nothing. If we had gotten there early, we would have just stood in line.

Stubb's is an outdoor venue and there are no chairs. I know Metallica is not going on until around 10:00pm, and its 6:30pm. Damn, this is going to be a long night. So, this DJ dude called "Bassnectar" plays for a while, then the Silversun Pickups jammed a set. Then Metallica took the stage and rocked the house. They were tight and heavy. It was bizarre to see them in such a small setting. No fancy lights, no magic stage, no pyrotechnics, no room to perform theatrics, just 4 dudes playing their instruments. Quite a departure from the almost mythical entity they appear to be at a huge tour show. I saw them as just some band displaying their wares.


This picture is blurry but I thought it was funny to see all the cameras people were holding.










I was maybe 25-30 feet from the stage. I chose this spot because there was a tree to lean against, which I figured would be a good idea since I had to stand there so long. I could have walked right up to the stage and leaned against it I suppose, but I wanted to be able to see everything. I don't know if you have ever been to a metal show, but it can get pretty intense. Lots of sweaty stinky bastards standing shoulder to shoulder, and belly to back, literally standing room only, all tossing beer around, and screaming lyrics at the top of their lungs, and headbanging, with no regard for anyone or anything around them. You get shoved around, you get trampled on, you get spit on, you get beer poured all over you, you almost get into a fight every 10 minutes. It is sheer hell, yet it is fucking amazingly awesome. There was a big bloody dirty nasty mosh pit a few feet away, and you fear if it grows larger, you might have to drop a few mofos. It was extraordinarily intense. The entire event was killer and I loved it. Seeing a show like that is very retro for me. I stood up in one spot a little over 6 hours that night. I am older and more refined, so it was a complete 180 from what I am used to.... air conditioning, chairs, etc. It reminded me that I am now old. Would I do it again? Sure, in a heartbeat. Would I do it again tomorrow? probably not.

But, at least I am not a pussy.

Phase IV - this will probably be pretty lengthy, but I'd like to get closure on this project in this last post on the subject.

I have always hated staining. I suck at it, and everything I have ever stained looks horrible. The casual observer might not catch all the flaws and inconsistencies, but I know they are there, so in my head, the entire project can be junk due to piss poor staining.

Since I was using really soft wood, I decided to go with a wood conditioner to prepare the wood for staining. For the stain itself, I decided to use Minwax #231, which is described as "Gunstock" color. I have used this color before, and I like it. To seal the project I decided on Minwax "Polycrylic". I have used this before as well and it is easy to work with and water based, for easy clean up.



After purchasing the coatings, I dragged out my Campbell Hausfeld HVLP sprayer system. If you are not familiar with HVLP, it stands for 'high volume low pressure' and it is exactly what you might think. It sprays a high volume of material at low pressures. This way, you don't get much overspray and thus wasted material, and a simple basic turbine provides the air rather than an elaborate/expensive compressed air rig. So I loaded up the wood conditioner in the gun and made a few test sprays on the back of the unit. SHITTY! My gun was old and worn out, and worst of all, caked up with leftover gunk from my past projects. DAMN IT! Long story short, I tried to clean it up and in the process of reassembly, I busted a screw rendering the entire gun useless. After some heavy debate I decided to just use staining sponges and rags to lay on the finish.

The wood conditioner went on using this method with no problems whatsoever. This makes sense though, since it is clear, and you can't really fuck it up. Next came the stain. This is where things started going south. The idea is to apply it with a sponge or a rag, let it sit for a few minutes to soak in, then remove the excess. I soon realized that the unit was so damn big, that A. I would not be able to apply it all before having to wipe off the excess, and B. is was going to be hard, backbreaking work, due to the size of it, and taking into account having to lean in awkward positions to reach all the parts. Ideally, you would want to work on the piece upright, but I decided this would not be feasible because the damn thing was 8 feet high, and having to stand on a ladder while staining seemed like a bad idea. One downside of this is that the stain would 'run' towards the back of the thing rather than towards the ground. But I pushed onward. I eventually got the stain on and I am glad that part was done.

After taking a step back, I started seeing major flaws, but by that time, it was really too late to do anything about them. The first problem was that the glue used for the shelving and such was not properly sanded down where it had ran and/or been wiped off. I knew that the glue was there, and I made an attempt to remove the glue using my orbital sander as well as manually sanding it by hand prior to staining. I guess I didn't do a good enough job. Secondly, the 'plastic wood' hole filler I used to fill in the tiny nail holes on the side trim pieces changed the surface of the wood and cause the stain to be discolored where it was smeared on the surface.

Anyhoo, nothing much can be done about it at this point. So screw it. I just need a place to stash books, and regardless of how it looks, it will still do just that.
So, after learning what a huge pain in the asshole it was to put on the stain, i decided not to take the same chance with the Polycrylic. After another internal debate, I opted to purchase a new HVLP gun to replace my busted one. Campbell Hausfeld has a semi-pro version that is better than the consumer model, yet not as expensive as the pro version. I found one at sears for around 60 bucks. Sweet. A few days pass and the gun is delivered, and I spray on the sealer, and its easy, and awesome. Do yourself a favor if you have the means, don't do stuff by hand if you don't absolutely have to.

Ok, so after letting it dry for a couple of days, it was time to move it in the house. Turns out that the damn thing is so big that the only way to get it in the house was to lug it out the garage door and through the backyard and into the backdoor of the house. Seems like everything I build ends up this way, so no surprise there. Next problem is that it was so bulky/heavy that my gal would be unable to carry it with me. It had been raining for several days so that added another layer of complexity. After a dozen beers or so, I came up with a plan. Since she would be unable to carry it, what if I made it so that she could set it down whenever she wanted, then we could go in small stages. The solution, which I did not bother to photograph, was to put a towel on the top and bottom of the piece, then add a piece of large cardboard on the bottom, and then duct tape it all to the unit. It turned out to be perfect. When it got too heavy or bulky for her, she just sat her end down on the ground, and I balanced my end on my feet. I had on my motorcycle boots with hard toes, so this was not a problem. We made maybe 10 stops along the way to rest, but alas, we got the damn thing in the house.

After trying a couple of different positions in our front room, we picked a spot for the thing to live permanently. Since it was so damn big, I had to attach it to the wall. To make this inconspicuous, I decided to get some small "L" brackets, and attach the brackets to the shelf and to the wall. Fortunately, the position we chose served us well, because there were 3 wall studs behind it to attach the brackets to.

So that was it, it was built, stained, sealed, and installed. Only one last thing to do, fill it with books. We grabbed all the books we could see that were laying around the house, and that looks like this:

The bookshelf is almost full, just from the stuff we had laying around. This does not account for all the books we have in boxes in our spare bedroom, so I may have to start thinking about building another one 8-).

So, there you have it. Now go build your own.

Two quick wacky updates. 1. I ran over my fucking new HVLP gun with my truck somehow and broke it. More on that later. 2. I am off to Austin for the weekend to hang out with friends and hang out with MetallicA at their "super secret" show that I won credentials for in a drawing. more on this later as well, and hopefully some KICK ASS pictures!

Phase III = Profit!

OK, not really, but phase III consisted of attaching the back to the unit. To do this, I simply laid the entire project face down onto some support boards so as not to scratch the front, and then ran a line of gorilla glue around every surface that was facing up. I then laid my sanded 4x8 sheet of 1.4" plywood on top of it, being careful to make sure that the sanded side faced down, which is the front. I then grabbed about 50 things from my garage and set them on top of it to weigh it down to dry over night. The next day, I added a few nails for good measure. So then the project looked like this:



...and here is a closeup of one of the shelves in place.



Now, the next step was to add the trim around the top and bottom. In order to do this, you have to cut some pretty precise angles on baseboard and trim pieces, which can be REALLY shitty if you don't have the correct tools. Unfortunately for me, I did not. Here is my existing mitre box contraption.



As you can see, this is a fucking shitty plastic mitre box attached to a 2x4, then clamped into a small workbench. Since I was having to cut the baseboard at a 45 degree angle across the end, and not across the front, this was amazingly shitty. Having to use the manual piece of retarded crap saw didn't help matters any. I have used this useless abortion of a tool for 6 years. So to rectify it, I bought this:



It was roughly a $100 dollar investment, and I will have it forever, so I figured would pay for itself. Well, it ended up paying for itself in one or two days time, when you take into account frustration, manual labor, and potential loss of materials due to piss poor cuts. I can now throw the old shit into outer space, or feed it to an animal or something. By the way, the new shit will saw right on through thick walled 4" PVC as well, which would have taken LOTS of time and effort to cut with a hacksaw.

So, with my saw in use, I was able to make precise quick work of the trim. A few cuts and a bit of fancy gorilla glue and clamp work later and most of the trim was attached. Here is how that turned out so far:

Enough for today, another update in a couple of days. The hardest and most unforgiving part is coming up, staining and sealing!

Phase II in which Doris gets her oats...

Since I routed the grooves in the side panels to be the exact same thickness of the shelves, each shelf had to be shaved down a bit on the ends to fit into the slot snugly. This was by design whereas I did not want there to be any play in the joint. I achieved this using my belt sander with a 100 grit belt.



I did make one slight error in the routing. I measured about 10 times times to make certain I was doing the right thing, and my measurements were correct, but I inadvertently wrote down a number incorrectly, resulting in one of the slots being too wide. Rather than tossing the piece and throwing off the build schedule, I decided that it was a recoverable error. I made the slot on the other side match the one that was too big. This section will be covered up by trim on the front of the finished piece, and as it turns out it will be at a height which will make it virtually invisible. You would have to really be looking for flaws to notice. So, this being the case, one of the shelves did not need to be shaved on the ends.




Here is a view of one of the shelves in one of the slots. It fits real tight, which is perfect. These shelves will be glued into place with Gorilla Glue. The top and bottom 2x12s will be glued and screwed into place.



Here you can see how shitty the Home Depot wood is. This is not a huge deal because I can flatten out the top pieces with the belt sander, and additionally, this part will be covered by trim, which I will cover later.



Here is what the unit looks like partially assembled. The wood clamps are in place to hold the one shelf that is in the oversized slot.

Ok, enough for now, piss off!

Ok, so I have been planning to build a bookshelf for a few years now. I have a lot of books and magazines that need a home. Right now, they are stashed all over the house in various piles, and that sucks, so I finally decided to get this done.

I should start off by declaring to the world that I am no carpenter. I aint making no Jesus tables or anything. I am handy with tools, and have a firm grasp of how to operate in a shop. I took wood shop class in junior high, drafting and metal fabrication in high school, advanced drafting and metal fabrication in college, and spent some time working in various manufacturing facilities in different capacities, so I know my way around.

I built the bed I currently sleep on. It is a monstrosity that weighs well over 300 pounds, not counting the box springs or the mattress! It is solid as a rock though, and will last forever. If you need a refresher of how that turned out, see: http://www.snotpocket.com/bed.htm

To me, function usually trumps fashion, but I think one can easily achieve a balance of both in a low cost package. Function in this case means a very sturdy piece that can carry the weigh of lots of books, and one that is large enough hold all the books I have. To achieve this, I decided to simply use a 4'x8' sheet of sanded pine plywood for the back, and then basically build the shelf around it. This would make a large shelf and minimize the amount of cutting I would have to do. Perfect.

The first problem I run into when building stuff is finding quality wood. I have no idea where to get quality wood, so I usually just go to Home Depot and buy whatever they have. Most of their wood is shitty and warped, but if you dig around a little while through there pile you can usually pull out a few pieces that are just OK. Also, since I am no superstar furniture builder, I do not want to invest a large sum of cash on wood, and I can usually work around the flaws in the lumber.

The first step was to design the layout, which I did using Google SketchUp. It was quick and easy and it came out roughly like this (click on it to see a larger version):



So to start the build, I had to use a router on the sides to make slots for the shelves. To do this, I had to purchase a 3/4" wide by 1/2" deep router bit. Then I simply measured and made a jig out of clamps and wood to guide the router. Here you can see how that turned out:







So I basically just dug a groove for the bottom, and the shelves, in the 8' 2x12s, that make the sides. The top will screw to the top of the 2x12s, which I will cover later. The side affect from all the routing was a massive pile of fresh pine sawdust shavings which looks like this:



I bagged it all up, so now I am trying to figure out a good way to repurpose it. Best idea so far is to use it as compost or mulch. It smells cool, so I guess I could also just leave it bagged up in the garage.

Ok, that is enough for today, more updates on the way soon.

Two quick things I have been pondering lately...

1. When is the last time you found yourself inside a library, public or otherwise? Do people really even go to the library anymore? And if so, why? I do not believe I have been into a library since I was in college circa 1993-94. That, of course, pre-dated the internet. The internet back then was an elusive cloud of mystery, that boggled everyone's mind. I suppose it could be useful still for entertaining small children in an educational manner, or perhaps for people who are extraordinarily poor or perhaps just really cheap. I like books and all, but honestly, these days, I will just read them on the computer or buy my own. I have heard of people going to the library to use the internet, but even that seems a little odd these days, when computers can be had for literally next to nothing. I could probably assemble a computer out of shitty old parts that would browse the interwebs just fine and give it to someone for free, just to convince them NOT to go to the library. What does this all mean? Who fucking knows, but let's face the facts here... if you go to the library, you're an asshole!

2. Do you have any exposure to mentally challenged people? OK, just kidding, fuck it, I mean retards. I spent the better part of my life avoiding retarded people. If I saw one, I would try to escape and go a different direction, so as to avoid the interaction. I always kinda felt weird for avoiding them. There were a few kids in my school that were pretty bad off, and my friends and I pretty much welcomed them as normal friends, so its not like I do not like these people, its just that as I got older, I seemed to shy away, and I am not sure why.

There is a new show on MTV called "How's your news?", and it is a travelling news show that features only challenged folks of all sorts. Some cannot communicate at all, only spewing gibberish followed up at the end with the word "booya", some have physical issues, but can communicate just fine. Some are borderline vegetative. I enjoy the show thoroughly. I do not laugh at the people's misfortune, I am happy to see them as a part of society and applaud their efforts, as well as MTV for giving them a forum to shine. It is a comical show, seeing people reactions to them, as well as their own special brand of comedy. I highly recommend the show to everyone.

So, last night at my hockey game, on the way into the locker room, I see a guy that has down syndrome or some other type of issue, and he waves at me. I wave back and keep going on my way. He walks all the way over to intercept me to give me a high 5. I high 5 back and ask him how its going and everything. A pleasant interaction. In my mind, I am thinking "Wow, that 'How's Your News' show has reignited my indifference to retarded people, excellent!". I few minutes later, as my teammates and I were getting dressed for the game, he comes in to the locker room and hangs out for a while... randomly. It was a little bizarre, not because he was retarded, but because someone was visiting a men's locker room, it would have been just as odd if it were anyone. So he checks out some of our various equipment, and asks various questions in that stereotypical "retarded" type of accent. Later he introduces himself, and asks our names and stuff. It was all perfectly normal, and we did not care in the least that he was 'special'. A few minutes later, a young boy maybe 9 or 10 years old comes in, and says "Jimmy, get out of there... you are not supposed to wander off, and if you do, you are supposed to tell mom where you are going." He then proceeds to lead Jimmy away.

Anyway, so it was a positive interaction with Jimmy. Next time I see him, I will give him another high 5, and acknowledge that I recognize him, and it will bring both of us joy. So in summary, next time you see a person that has some sort of challenge, pretend that their issues to do not exist, and treat them like a normal person, or I will kick you square in the fucking nutzack.

Lots of shit coming down the way, so there should be a dramastic increase in post count soon.