So the other day I was in traffic sitting at a red light. I look to my left and I see a fat white lady, probably 20-25 years old. She was driving a really shitty Sunfire or some other low-rent type car. She had her windows down and was jamming to the sweet tunes coming out of her radio. In the front passenger seat was a small black child, I would estimate to be 3-4 years old. No seat belts in use in the car. The light turns green, and this lady slams on her gas pedal, squealing the tires as much as her puny Sunfire or whatever kind of crappy car it was could muster. Then she pulled into a parking lot like 200 feet past the intersection. Play that through in your head a few times. What the hell?

Shame on you lady. 1. You have a shitty car. 2. You are fat. 3. You have a small unsecured child in your car. 4. You radio is way too loud. 5. You don't need to spin out to go 200 feet to McDonalds.

I should have declared a fuckin' citizen's arrest and had this lady put in the slammer. I also have been around all kinds of people in my life, and I would bet you a month's salary this lady had some form of illegal drugs on her personal self or in her car. What a mess this bitch was. And you know what really bugs me about the whole scenario. That lady was probably as happy as a pig in shit. She appeared to be doing just fine and not have a care in the world. I guess ignorance really is bliss.

So, I am not sure why I made this link in my head, because what I am about to say in completely unrelated, but... In Texas you can make a LEFT on red. Most people are aware you can make a right on red, but in ANY scenario where you can make a right on red, you can also legally make a left on red. When you pull up to a red light in the right lane and you are turning right from a one way street onto another, its all golden, but people listen up, the same shit applies for pulling up to a red light in the left hand lane, turning onto another one way street. I am not talking about crossing traffic lanes or anything, just turning left directly onto another one way road. I am fully aware that this scenario is not possible near as much as it is in the right handed configuration, but it does happen. Do not be afraid. You will make traffic flow smoother. If you have the ability to make a left on red and you do not do so, you, are a complete asshole. The stinky brown part.

If you need proof of this it is Texas Transportation Code Chapter 544, article 007, subsection d.2.

For lazy people like Elixir, here is a handy link:http://law.onecle.com/texas/transportation/544.007.00.html

or you can visit the Texas statutes page here:
http://www.statutes.legis.state.tx.us/

I did not do the full water boil test on the Brutus 10 clone. I did begin my research for creating two new beer recipes though, so at least I achieved something. My shitty job has got me back into zombie mode, where I live a nocturnal existence and sleep all day. This makes doing anything sorta difficult. I have paid off my credit card debt though, and I have been studying up for a technical interview. The credit card thing is an important milestone, because without the load of having to make huge monthly payments to get out of debt, I can consider some short contract type employment if necessary. Studying for a tech interview is handy as well, because in my line of work, the behavioral and psychological questions are the easy part. At any rate, today's post is not about any of that. So to change the subject completely...

When I was in Las Vegas a few weeks ago, I heard some rednecks talking about Terry Fator, who is a ventriloquist who won a million dollars winning the America's Got Talent TV show. He later signed a whopping 200 million dollar Vegas deal. They did not believe that the guy really got a million dollars, much less the 200 million dollar deal at the Mirage, and they also did not believe that he was doing all the voices himself. They thought that the voices were basically on tape, and he was just acting like a ventriloquist. Then I started thinking... hey, these dumb shits have a conspiracy theory about a fucking ventriloquist. They cannot believe some guy puts his hand in a puppet and throws his voice.

It made me wonder if, or by how much, conspiracy theorists' theories vary by race, class, age, and so on. The thought that a ventriloquist could be faking has never, ever, not a single time, leapt into my brain. I wonder what made these people think that? It seemed sort of below me to wonder or worry about something as irrelevant as that. It isn't, it just seemed like it at the time.

Do black people have conspiracy theories that white people do not take into consideration? I am sure there are some related to Hurricane Katrina, particularly if you ask Kanye West. I am sure white people are more prone to consider 9-11 a conspiracy than black people. Old people probably have theories about Pearl Harbor or JFK that young people never think about, and young people probably think Biggie and Tupac were both slain at the command of Suge Knight, which I am sure old people have never heard of at all.

I have always been intrigued by conspiracy theory/ists. I don't have any particular ones that I subscribe to, and any time I hear one, I can usually discount it fairly quickly, so I am more focused on the theorist, rather than the theory.

It would be interesting to do a study on conspiracy theories, and categorize which various groups believe in which theories, and lay it our in some kind of chart. Am I going to do it? Hell no, that sounds like an awful lot of work to me.

But I bet that's what you want to happen. You want me to do the study and make the chart, because the more time I spend on it, the more you keep me locked up and working, and the more time I work, the less time I go to K-mart and buy water hoses. And the less time I spend buying water hoses, the less time I spend watering the yard, which means it doesn't grow as much, which means I am trying to put illegal immigrant out of work, which means I must be pro border fence, because the government needs to build a border fence to keep Americans employed. They need Americans employed to pay into the ponzi scheme that is social security, so those government fat cats can retire on our money, and then not care if it goes away later, because they will all be dead. Dead and buried taking up valuable real estate, taking up more and more land, and eventually forcing the Native Americans to seek shelter on the moon, which means they will advance in space travel, which will anger the North Koreans, which will then incite a new world war. So you hate Mexicans and want to see Indians on the moon, but I am not falling for it, do your own study.

I am going to do the full water test on the Brutus 10 clone on Monday! Yay. If all goes well, I will make a few beer recipes, buy the ingredients, and kick Fall off right.

I am not sure why I feel the way I do about the next subject, but here goes. Last night, I was getting my equipments together to go play hockey. I hear some chiming type polution outside. It kept growing louder and louder, and then I heard some people chattering. Once the racket was loud enough and close enough to be clear, it was unmistakable.

An ice cream truck!

Now... it is two thousand fucking ten. We do not need ice cream trucks anymore. The first thing that pops into my head is wow, some guy wants to rape children. What kind of person chooses voluntarily, to purchase an entire ice cream truck, then go on to purchase an inventory of said ice cream, with the intention of driving around neighborhoods peddling it to children? How does that thought even go into your head? Perhaps if you had just listened to Van Halen's "Ice Cream Man" you might ponder what would be involved with becoming an ice cream man, but you certainly don't act on it. Even then, the ice cream man in David Lee Roth's lyrics was a perv.

Ok, so rape and murder is a little harsh, I guess the guy is only selling top quality drugs... Hashish, ludes, reds, uppers, downers, booger sugar, angel dust, cheese, the dreaded lysergic, horse tranquilizers, dyno-pure, chucks, and so on. All the fun stuff you want your kids around. Great. I'll take two please.

Ok ok ok, I should give the guy a little credit. Maybe he doesn't really want to hurt anyone. He just wants to shit and piss and fart and sneeze and god knows what all over the ice cream, and get his jollies off knowing that people are going to eat it. There ya go, one hell of a guy.

Can you really justify in your brain someone being an ice cream man in 2010? Good I can't either. Just the though of an ice cream truck, creeps me out.

Brutus 10 clone progress report: I am at the point where I need to do a full boil water test, to make sure the burners and pump are all working and up to par for brewing beer. Unfortunately the excesses of the Texas daytime summer heat have stifled my motivation for performing such a test. Heat indices reaching ~120 make is miserable outside during the day.

So, instead, I will present to you a loose string of random thoughts.

The other day I had mowed the yard and become parched. It was shortly after that that I enjoyed one of life's little gifts that people take for granted: A nice tall cold glass of ice water is nearly impossible to beat. A glass of water so cold that beads of sweat glisten off its surface, eventually growing so large that gravity wins, resulting in a small puddle of condensation on your coaster. The kind of refreshment that you feel all the way to your core, and instantly you know that water, as slang would deem, is the shit.

When you are a small child, perhaps sometimes even into middle school years, you really are blissfully unaware of the behind the scenes magic that happens to produce an end result. I remember when I was very small and travelling with my dad and we arrived at stop light, he would say "Hey, watch this", and then he would snap his fingers and make the light change to green. I was always blown away by it. It was the late 70s, and I was 4 or 5 years old, I didn't really understand how he did it. This thought crossed my mind the other day when I cooked some pork shoulder. I smoked the meat all night and the next day. Between the prep the day before and the cooking process, I spent a solid 17 hours on it. That seems excessive when you consider it only takes maybe 20 minutes to eat it. When I go to a restaurant and eat a pulled pork sandwich, that means that someone spent in the neighborhood of 17 hours making it, and I suppose I have never thought about that while eating such an item, but I plan to. I may even go out of my way to do it, just so I can have those thoughts.

I was applying my deodorant this morning and noticed that is was called Right Guard 3D. THREE FUCKING D! It seems that 3D is the new thing the kids are into these days, why not spray it into your armpit as well. All I can say is I'm damn happy thing the latest fad aint peanut butter.

I know I have said this over and over again, but it is hard to beat going to Vegas. First off, I get reward points on my credit card which I use to buy gas, pay my cable bill, pay for my truck insurance, general day to day stuff that everyone has to have. I also use this card when I am going to buy things that I have cash for already. I use the card, get the points, and then pay the bill each month, so there is no interest. So I then use the points to buy airplane tickets. Generally each time I go to Vegas, I can afford either one or two tickets, one way. If I buy two tickets out there, I only have to buy tickets on the way back. For this, I have a vacation fund which my best gal and I each dump $25 per paycheck into. I don't miss the 25$ at all, and then when it is vacation time, boom, I have a nice booty from which to loot. So that pays for return tickets.

Since I go somewhat frequently, I also get free rooms at most of the hotels out there. I can stay for free practically anywhere on the strip. So I can stay a few days at an MGM property, then a few days at a Harrah's property, and it costs me virtually nothing... room service and the like comes from the previously mentioned vacation fund. Since we have been to Vegas so many times, we also know how to get around cheaply, and where to eat cheaply, and we would have to eat if we were at home, so this is not necessarily an added expense, but again, vacation fund provides.

So that only leaves gambling money which comes out of pocket, and if you win, you leave more than you came with. It seems like a lot of times we break even on gambling, or close to it, so going there for a few days and even up to a week really is incredibly inexpensive. Also, I know preach this every time I bring up Vegas, but public intoxication is legal there, so you can drink all the free drinks you want, and then go roam the streets for hours, which I find rather amusing. Anyway, I bring this up because I will be going again soon, if I cannot locate an alternative vacation in a certain price range, and I want everyone to know how awesome it is. It is awesome.

One of the last things on the brutus clone build prior to a full water test is the counterflow chiller. A counterflow chiller (or CFC) is a contraption consisting of a long copper tube inside a larger rubber tube. As water cool or ambient temperatue water flows up the rubber house surrounding the copper tube, the freshly brewed beer flows the opposite direction down the copper tube in the center, then creating a pretty massive heat exchange. The water leaves the top of the contraption having stolen the heat from the beer, and the beer flows out the bottom of the copper tube having had the heat stolen.

I decided to build my own to save on costs, and to learn another valuable skill in copper soldering (or sweating, as it is known). so I went to home depot and bought all the parts and began the build.



Sweating copper parts is rather easy as I discovered, but making it pretty can be a challenge to a newcomer. Essentially, you heat up the two copper parts you will be joining, and then lay a piece of solder on it, and the solder get sucked into the jont, thus sealing it up.

You can find plans all over the interclouds for building one of these things, so I will not bore you with the ins and outs of the design, and get straight to the pictures of the build.

After my initial test, one of my soldered joints was a leaky, which is no bueno, so I tried to fix it, but soon found that unsoldering or unsweating a joint seems very difficult, so instead I opted to go with my good old pal JB Weld. A little JB Weld on the joint, and all was well.

After the final testing of the chiller, I was able to insert near boiling water in one end, and have it come out the other end at around 80 degrees, and this is outside in the Texas heat, so imagine what it could do during the dead of winter, when the tap water is quite cold.

At this point, I think I am ready for a full water test, which involves going through the entire beer making process using only water, so as not to waste ingredients if something goes wrong.

So your mash tun is responsible for holding your grains and your water at a certain temperature for a proper conversion, where the fermentable sugars are extracted from the grains. If you were to just leave it all in a pot, the temperature would drop too much rendering the conversion useless. There are two methodologies to address this in a Brutus 10 clone. The first would be to add a burner under your mash tun, and then simply heat the vessel when it drops below a certain temperature. The other is to insulate your mash tun. I decided to go with option B and insulate.

I did this for a few reasons. For one, I didn't want to use any more propane than I need to. Additionally, that would require another burner, more gas piping, another igniter, more burner mounts, another wind deflector/heat shield and so on, not to mention the pain the ass of having to have precise temperature control to turn the burner on and off automatically, or even worse, manually. Lastly, heating the bottom of a vessel means unequal heat distribution, which brings up another whole can of worms. Insulation on the other hand, is rather simple, just... add insulation to your vessel.

It seem like half the world heats their mash tun, and the other half insulates theirs, so there is endless information on the interwebs regarding insulation types, and what people have had success with. I chose to go with foam rubber insulation, 3/4" inch thick. It is closed cell so it is basically waterproof, and it is soft and flexible which means it would be easy to attach to my mash tun. It has a heat flow rate (or K factor) of 0.27 Btu/hr. Without getting too scientific on you, this just means that you will lose .27 BTU per hour at 1 inch of thickness. Mine is only 3/4" thick so I will lose slightly more. Needless to say, I think the temperature will only drop a negligible amount over the amount of time my grains are in it.

The foam came in 3 foot by 4 foot sheets, so I picked up three sheets. I then just cut them to the sizes I needed and applied them to the vessel using some real nasty glue. Amraflex contact adhesive looks like snot, and has the properties of snot, so getting it on there was a bit of a challenge. Also, the adhesive is very unforgiving, so you have exactly one chance to get it on there correctly. I did not. My pieces went on crooked, so it was a challenge to make it look 'right'.

Here are some photos of the process and the final result.











It aint the prettiest mash tun in the world, but I have seen far worse. In the long run, I am not sure how well the insulation will stand up to the elements, being handled, and moved around, but worst case scenario, I can just redo it later.

I can practically smell the beer breweing already

A couple of quick pointless anecdotes before I get on to the Brutus 10 clone update...

On my 16th birthday, I got my driver's license. I begged my mom to let me take the car for a spin, as I am sure a lot of teenagers do when they get their license. She reluctantly said yes. I went out to my friend's farm to meet up and look at horses and various farm things. Later, we left the farm and headed back to my place. I was following my friend, and of course, we were both mostly driving like jackasses. My friend, who had a relatively large lead, took a quick right down a dirt/rock road, and unbeknownst to me, immediately stopped and turned off his lights. So then I come barreling around the same corner as quickly as he did, and BAM, there he was. I slammed on my breaks, but alas, it was too late, and I slid right into the back of his truck with my mom's car. Needless to say she was unhappy. I did not drive her car again for quite some time, when ironically, the same car became mine. I later totaled the car 600 miles from home in St. Louis.

When I chew small pieces of gum, I usually chew two at a time, but rather than mix the two pieces together to create a larger piece, I keep them separated in my mouth, never allowing them to touch. I am not sure why I do this, it is subconscious. I tend to chew gum all the time, so sometimes these two separate pieces will be in my mouth for many hours, then moments before I am ready to part ways with the gum, I will smash them together to form a single piece, and then deposit them.

So back to the Brutus clone build. I have made two upgrades to the system. First I added some flame shields around the burners. I found this necessary because during recent testing, I found that the wind was causing inefficiencies. Additionally, I am hoping that the rings will direct the heat directly towards the bottom of the kegs, and deflect heat away from the frame, because I found that the frame of the contraption gets extraordinarily hot after the burners have been going for a while. I am sure this is just part of the process, but I don't like it, and if I can defeat it, its a win.

So I considered building the rings out of steel, but the size pieces I was going to need was going to be less than cost effective. Plus, I really have no way of making a perfectly round piece of steel. After scouring the interwebness for a while, I came across someone else facing the same challenge, so I decided to employ their method for achieving the same goal. The answer? Cake rings! They make cake rings out of relatively thin gauge stainless steel, and, they are adjustable. Awesome! The only issue was that I had to cut a notch in them to allow my igniters to still be in place. A few minutes with my trusty roto-tool and that issue was a thing of the past. Here are a few pics.






The next upgrade was not necessary, but I nice thing to have at a very low price point. How do you know how much liquid is in your vessels? Well, you really don't, so to solve this, I added vinyl numbering decals to my sight glasses. Here is how that looks.



Also, I scored some cheapo stainless steel lids for like 12 bucks each off amazon.com.



I am so close to being done now I can taste it.

A few quick updates with pictures.

1. I lowered the pump to under the cross member. This generates more drop between the liquid level in the keg and the bottom of the pump. I also added a dump valve on the output side. Between these two improvements, I should be able to prime the pump easier because of the increased pressure from the bigger drop, and being able to allow air to escape from the dump valve. I left the former mounting plate in place, because A. I didn't want to booger up the frame by chopping a part of it off, and B. I figure it is a good mount for potential future additions 8-)

2. Next I added a set of igniters to the system, for automated lighting of the burners. This way, I don't need to mess with flame lighters, I can just turn on the gas, push a button and go. This was the mystery button from the last post. Not installing an automagical lighting system is pussy.

I ran the wires for the igniters through this stuff I picked up at McMaster-Carr. It is made of fiberglass and able to withstand 1000 degrees of heat. It may be overkill, but I didn't want my wires to melt. Also, I failed to mention that the igniters are from a kit from Wal-Mart made as a replacement for grill igniters. Cheap and easy!

3. I finally painted the system. This is another stumbling block for many brutus 10 clone builders. The high heat from the burners typically will burn off normal, and even high temperature stove/grill paint. I didn't want to powder coat it, which would probably be for the best, because of the high cost involved. A lot of people go the paint route, and then just repaint as the paint burns off to avoid rusting. I have another plan to combat this, which I will address in a near future post.

It is Texas and it is summer, so the heat is around 100 and the humidity is ridiculous, so painting proved to be a challenge, but nonetheless after 5 days of sitting by a fan, the paint finally appears to have dried well enough for a test run. I think I should be able to do a full on test of the entire system using water inside of a week.

4. I built a "hop hopper" for lack of a better term. I did not invent this, I duplicated this from someone else's brilliant design. It is simply a 5 gallon paint strainer bag clamped onto a chunk of PVC pipe, with long threaded rods bolted to it. It allows the unit to sit on top of the brew kettle while the beer is brewing, with an open hole in the top, so that you can toss in whatever little tidbits you might need, such as hops, any extra grains, twigs, berries, fruit, nuts, coffee, gum, cereal, tacos, bacon, a hamburger, whatever you like. When you are done, you can simply remove it from the top, and all your junk remains in the strainer, and not in your beer.

So as you can see, once again, the system is looking nearly completed. I am stoked, and starting to plan out what style of beer to make on my maiden voyage.