Yeah, yeah, I know.

Summertime approaches!

The average American life expectancy is approximately 77 years. This mean you will have 77 summers. You probably cannot comprehend and therefore enjoy a summer prior to age 5. Once you start school, summers mean more, and I don't recall feeling that way before entering school at age 5. Summers also do not harbor as many possibilities once you are elderly, so let's say age 64, because at 65 you are just old. You might still like the summertime when you are older, but you probably like all the other seasons as well, and let's face it, when you are 64, you are less likely to take advantage of what a summer has to offer. So between being a small child and an elderly person, that is 18 summers that are wasted. So that leaves 59 good summers to cash in on. Now, you will have to apply the math to your own situation, but I am now 35 years old. This will be my 35th summer. So, out of the 59 good ones, I have already used up 30 of them! That means I only have somewhere in the neighborhood of 29 summers left. TWENTY FUCKING NINE! 29 dollars isn't all that much money, 29 minutes isn't very long, and 29 summers is not a whole lot.

I enjoyed David Lee Roth when he was with Van Halen, and some of his solo work, and I always found his enthusiasm motivational. The man has moxie and mojo. For a brief stint, he took over the morning radio slot when Howard Stern went to satellite radio. His show was not all that great because the execs at CBS made him suck, but I did find one thing particularly fascinating. Whenever David Lee Roth would refers to years passing by, he always referred to them as "summers". He would not say he spent 10 years with Van Halen in the 70s and 80s, he would say he spent 10 summers with those guys. At the time, I kinda brushed it off as just a little strange, but suddenly, I think I understand what he means. Summers are important, and few, and it would seem that a lot of classic memories are created during the summer. You don't sit around with your best buds and think back fondly about the time you all sat around the fireplace, because there was 2 feet of snow outside... you reminisce about the time you drank 40 beers on the river and got a wicked sun burn, and some jack ass caught his shoes on fire, or bit into a freshly dead catfish.

So what am I trying to say? I want everyone to maximize their summer potential. Take stock of your life, and realize that you may not have all that many summers left, so make this one count. You should strive to make this summer the best summer ever. Attempt to make all future summers pale in comparison to this one. Set the bar high. I am not saying you need to 'get the band back together' a la mid life crisis movie and go on a cross country road trip in a convertible, nor am I saying you should embark on a Seinfeldian "Summer of George" type of deal either. I am simply saying that should an opportunity arise, capitalize on it, and in between those opportunities, create your own adventure, and for fuck's sake, leave your house and go somewhere. When the summer is over, and it starts getting to be fall again, you should be able look back and say "Wow, what a fucking summer!"

So go get a pencil and start jotting down all the ways you are not going to suck and waste this summer. If you don't have a pencil, or think you don't have time to relax and enjoy the summer, go kill yourself.