I think that a lot of people have some form of OCD. I am certainly not suggesting that everyone has to grab the refrigerator handle exactly 27 times before they open it, or count every single ceiling tile in their office before they sit down, or walk around their car counterclockwise twice before driving, but it is my belief that everyone has as least some level of obsessive and/or compulsive activity, whether they know or it not.

I have always had issues in relation to locks, particularly door locks. I remember that my mother seems to sort of have the exact same issue, so I assume to some extent it is learned or genetic. When I leave my house, for example, I get about 10 feet away from the door, and these obsessive thoughts enter my brain, that perhaps, I forgot to lock the door, or maybe the door did not shut all the way. Then, the obsession turns to compulsion, because I feel as if I must return and check the door one last time, before leaving. There have been times where I have gone all the way to work, and then felt like I had left the garage door open. I can't have anyone taking all my fancy shit, so I would drive all the way back home, only to find the garage door shut. In fact, I would go so far as to say that 98% of the time, the doors are shut all the way and locked properly, before I double check them. This has caused me grief before, particularly when leaving for a week long vacation. I obsess over the door being secure, but I am too far away from home to do anything about it, so the compulsion then hits, and it cannot be dealt with. This feeling usually subsides in a few hours, but during that few hours, my mind just rides on those thoughts over and over again. It is really bizarre.

This just happened to me the other day when I went to a gun show. I walked maybe 750 yards from the truck and then started thinking that I had not locked my truck. Then I thought about someone taking all my fancy truck shit. So I stepped inside the building, took a piss, then had to walk all the way back to my truck to lock the fucking door. Fortunately, I have a remote door lock, so I didn't have to go all the way back... just within range of the transmitter. Well, about 10 seconds after locking it and hearing that pleasant confirming honk, I realized that now my brain was filled with thoughts of whether or not the door was really locked or not, or had I made the journey back in vain. Those thoughts I was able to extinguish by knowing 100% that the truck was indeed locked.

I recently discovered another OCD type of phenomena that I experience. I borrowed a piece of computer hardware from a co-worker. I needed to test it out at home, to see if I wanted to buy it. Well, I ended up fucking around and keeping it for a good long while. Maybe a month. The guy did not mind at all, because he had a couple of spares anyway, but he asked me one day if I was still going to buy it, because he was rounding up some cash to buy something or other. It was Friday, and I told him I would work on making the decision by giving it a good long test run over the weekend and then Monday either bring back the device, or bring him the cash.

Well, I sort of forgot about it again, but when I remembered it finally, I realized that every single day since I had it, it would surface in my brain that I needed to act upon it. When I reflected back on other similar events, I realize that I have some sort of OCD issue with owing people something. Not just material possessions, but anything. I might owe someone information, or perhaps I am supposed to be somewhere at a certain time. I find myself sometimes having an indescribable feeling. I guess you could call it a form of anxiety, but it really kind of isn't. It is like my brain obsesses over what has to go where, and what I need to do, and sort of subconsciously goes over the list repeatedly on its own. Sometimes it is not even me owing someone something, but me owing myself a thought. For example, I will think about something, and try to file it mentally so I do not forget about it later. Even something as simple as remembering what I need to look up on Wikipedia. It goes into the brain list, and the problem compounds.

I seem to have learned in the past few years that if I start feeling like my brain cannot slow down because I am trying to do normal stuff, while it is constantly processing such a list, that I should stop what I am doing, and jot down a list of it all. This is not always easy because I am not always in a position to do such a thing. If I am laying bed, and I remember what I forgot about earlier, then I have to get up and deal with it, otherwise I will never get to sleep. Sure, a notepad and a pen by the bed would solve that problem, but I have to put getting these materials into the brain list, so we know how that goes 8-).

These are not things that really hinder my performance, just things that I know about myself that I find interesting. What are some of the things that you might do that could be considered obsessive or compulsive? Come on, don't lie to yourself, you know they are there. And if you really think you do not have any, then ask someone you live with, or a good friend, and you may be surprised to find out that they might know, when you don't even realize it.

...and knowing is half the battle. Thanks Snake Eyes!