OK. You have car insurance. If something happens to you car, you can get it fixed, and it doesn't bankrupt you. It is legally required pretty much everywhere. It is important and good to have. No one would dispute that. You also probably have health insurance. You get sick, you go to the doctor, he makes you better, and you don't go bankrupt. It is crucial that you have this. You may also have life insurance. If something catastrophic happens and you get killed, you family is taken care of. Again, it is important and good to have. Home owners insurance. You have it, because it is required, and if something happens to your house, you use it and have your house repaired, and you don't go bankrupt. All these things are relatively cheap to obtain and incredibly important when you need them.

There is another type of insurance that could be just as important that people hardly ever think about. Food insurance. What the fuck? What does that even mean? Are you retarded? No, I am not. What if you could spend a tiny amount of money, and insure that you could eat in the absence of widely available food sources? What if the power was off for a while, and the grocery stores were just closed until it was repaired? Don't see this as realistic? Ask the people in Galveston about that after hurricane Ike. What if for some reason the food supply line was just disrupted due to some sort of natural disaster, or some other sort of mechanism, where maybe shipping was not functioning properly. What if something more sinister was in play, like some sort of civil unrest or catastrophe preventing you from going to any available food source? In any event, something could go wrong and you could find yourself in a position where you could not obtain food. What do you do then?

This is 2008, so chances are you are too stupid or not well enough equipped to go 'make' your own food. You probably do not own a hunting firearm of any sort, and even if you did, you are probably one of these urbanite douche bags that only owns the weapon to kill the jackass breaking into your house to steal your fantastic array or useless gold jewelry. So, it is unlikely you are going to take out rabbits and squirrels so you can have much needed protein. So where does that leave you?

Well, for a few bucks, you can be pretty well off, and way better prepared than your neighbor. How do you do it? Simple. Peep this:

1. Obtain some oxygen absorbers. These are small packets that absorb oxygen, Perfect for food preservation.


2. Obtain some bucks. What kind of buckets? Food grade plastic buckets. You can probably score some of these for free if you want to look around. Or, you can be like me, and pay about 8 bucks a piece for some really nice ones that are square-ish and stackable, so that they fit into your pantry easily.


3. Obtain some beans and rice. How much? Depends on how much space you have available, and how many people you need to feed, etc.. That is for you to determine. There are plenty of guidelines available on the magic intercloud if you care to look around. I chose to have 35 pounds of each.


4. Toss a few absorbers into your bucket.



5. Put the beans and rice into each bucket. Toss a few more oxygen absorbers on top of the beans and rice. Put the lids on the buckets.



6. Put the buckets off in the back of your pantry. Mine fit right behind my trash can under the bottom shelf. Out of the way, and hardly taking up any space at all.



So as you can see, food insurance is quick, cheap, and easy. My configuration will last at least 10 years, and possibly longer. Technically speaking, these could last indefinitely. I plan to refresh the stash after about 10 years time, just so they don't taste funny if I ever need to use them. Personally, I don't expect to ever use this emergency food at all, ever, but it is nice to know that I have it if I ever do need it.

In case you are wondering, the smaller bucket in the pictures hold 25 pounds of salt. The 25 pound bag cost me less than 4 bucks, and in case you were not aware, sodium chloride (salt) is required for human life, without it, you will die. So it is good to have some on hand as well.
The total cost of this insurance was about 65 bucks. If you divide that out over a 10 year period, it comers out to about 54 cents a month. That is a pretty good trade off. I bet every bit of insurance you currently have cost a hell of a lot more than that.

In addition to this food insurance, I also have a 55 gallon drum of emergency drinking water in my garage. This is a but of a different subject, and I cannot recall if I posted about it ever, so we can cover that some other time. Food does not fall from the sky, so the water deserves its very own post.

So come on, don't be a dumb shit, quit making fucking excuses like "I don't have time", or "I just don't have the space for it", and go get yourself some food insurance, because there is little to no chance you will be borrowing mine if a time ever comes when I need it. And if you try to come steal mine, I will shoot you in the face while sitting on a pile of useless gold jewelry.


Je suis canard gigantic!

I was recently at a party that was BYOB. I brought 6 beers. Since I was only bringing 6 beers, I decided to get a strange brew. Something way out there and wacky and new to try. In addition to the beer, I had my flask topped off with whiskey. My plan was to drink my 6 beers, then if I needed an alcohol boost, I would take a swig off the flask. I placed my beer into my friend's refrigerator, grabbed one, and commenced to hanging out. I grabbed another, then another, as time went by. I decided to start hitting the whiskey so that I could space out my beers over the course of the night. As the night progressed, more and more people showed up at the shindig, each having brought their own beer as well. Several hours into the event, I noticed one of my beers opened, sitting on the counter, about 90% full. Wha? How did this happen? Wow, someone decided to go ahead and sample of my precious 6 beers. I guess going with a strange alternative to the mainstream has cost me one beer, because someone could just not resist. Maybe they thought the beer was communal, or provided by the host. Maybe they just didn't give a shit who it belonged to. Then I began to think what I would do about it. It is not socially acceptable to announce that the beer was yours, and that no one should have penetrated your stash. That is not even an option. Next, I considered just grabbing someone else's beer to replace the one I lost. Hmmm. Busted logic. What if the beer I took did not belong to the person who took mine, then I have done the same thing to someone that was done to me. Bogus.

What is the etiquette when attending a BYOB type gathering? Typically, when going somewhere for a party, I bring way more than I need for the evening, and pass beers out freely to anyone who happens to walk by. The more the merrier, so its never a problem. So the one time I decide to bring exactly how much I will need, I end up getting screwed over. Maybe it is up to the host to make some sort of announcement that the party is BYOB, so please have respect for everyone's suds, or perhaps let people know at the time of the invitation, that they should bring community beer, where everyone just brings whatever, and it becomes a help yourself type of configuration.

I should mention that I am not angry or anything, and I hold no ill will whatsoever. I really do not care in the slightest bit that this happened. I had my whiskey, and even if i didn't there were people offering me other libations, so there was no shortage of available liquors. This is simply an analysis of the logic in a BYOB scenario, trying to determine what goes through a persons head when they reach into a refrigerator full of beer, and pull out one that they know for certain that they did not bring with them. It was just an interesting occurrence that I have not experienced for years, and it got stuck in my head for a few days.

I think the safest course of action in the future is to just make sure I bring way more than I need. Everyone needs to follow this policy from now on.

That is all. As you were.